Page 81 of When You Smile

Charlie shrugged. “Not too far a walk to my place. Plus, it’s nice out. I’m going to enjoy it.” The library, to her detriment, was kept exceptionally cool, which meant emerging into the warmth of the spring air was like a welcome embrace. She descended the stairs with a small smile, pausing only when she saw a familiar face sitting on the bench nearby. For a split second, her heart soared seeing Taryn waiting there, transported back in time to when she’d wait for Charlie, scoop her up, and they’d head off to dinner or home or anywhere they could just be them. It wasn’t long before reality came crashing through. Her instinct was to keep walking, but Taryn was too quick.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” Charlie said, eyeing Taryn. She’d cut her hair by about three inches. It looked good on her, more mature in a way. She’d never say so. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for you. I was hoping we could catch up. Can I maybe walk you home?”

“I don’t think that’s a great plan. But thank you.” She walked away then, heart in her throat. She hadn’t seen Taryn since their intense discussion in front of the foreign language building. She wanted to say that all that happened had erased her feelings, but they’d just roared to life the second Taryn looked her in the eyes.

Taryn was there the next night, too. Her eyes were hopeful, and she stood as Charlie approached. “Taryn, you should be out living your life. What are you doing at the library at ten o’clock?”

“I’m showing up in a way I should have shown up weeks ago. And I’m going to keep showing up because that’s what you do for people you love.”

Charlie shook her head, and her warring emotions went to battle until her brain overruled all. No, don’t get caught up again. It didn’t matter how beautiful Taryn looked, how sweet she was, or how much Charlie ached for her. This was a dangerous scenario for a heart that had been absolutely crushed. “Good night, Taryn.”

“Good night.”

She opened the door two mornings later to a delivery driver holding a to-go cup. “Dessert coffee for Charlie?”

She nodded and accepted the hot coffee knowing exactly who had sent it, and there, scrawled across the cup were the words: I hope your day is amazing. –T.

It didn’t end there. A bouquet of wildflowers arrived, unruly and wonderful in their arrangement. She left them on her kitchen counter instead of throwing them out. The beautiful chaos reminded Charlie of the two of them, and the way they’d come together in such a beautiful fashion but ended in an out-of-control jumble. It began to resonate with her that Taryn was thinking about her each of the days that she was thinking about Taryn. They were living parallel struggles, two people hurting at the same time. She believed fully that Taryn missed her, but she believed even more fully that for self-preservation purposes, she had to shelve any thought of rebuilding what they had.

“Back again,” she said when she found Taryn sitting on the bench the next week.

“Letting me walk you home isn’t going to change anything.”

Charlie shrugged. “I suppose that’s true.”

Taryn didn’t hesitate when Charlie inclined her head the slightest bit, and Taryn fell into step beside her. “How was the library today?”

“Pretty desolate. Everyone wants to be outside.”

“I’ve been taking long walks. It’s kind of my new thing.”

“It is?” How strange to not know these kinds of details about someone who had been her everything not so very long ago.

“Yeah. It helps me clear my head and plan my week.”

“Like what kind of delivery is coming to my house next?”

“Those are improvised,” Taryn said, touching her heart. The sincerity of her tone pulled Charlie. Gone were the jokes, deadpans, and quips. Today, Taryn was present and calm and stripped down. “Are you ready to graduate?” she asked, eyes on the ground as they walked.

“Yes and no. I’m ready for the next chapter, but I have a lot of history here. A lot of memories.” They’d fallen in love here.

“I see us all over campus.”

“Me, too,” Charlie said.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, and when Charlie was delivered to her door, Taryn raised a hand. “Thank you for this. For letting me walk with you.”

Charlie lifted her shoulders. “I got tired of seeing the sad girl on the bench.”

“I’d say my plan worked, but that’s not what this is. I love you, and I’m gonna keep showing up.”

Their walks from the library became a regular occurrence, and though Charlie didn’t want to examine it too closely, she was beginning to look forward to the six minutes she got with Taryn. They touched on their days and plans for the summer and, once in a while, checked in on how the other was feeling about things.

“Do you miss us?” Taryn asked one night when they landed on Charlie’s doorstep.

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