Page 41 of When You Smile

“Can I please walk you to your car?” Taryn asked.

Charlie’s face was red, and it seemed as if she was embarrassed. “No. I’m good.”

“Well, that question was only a formality because I’m doing it.”

“Fine. I’m that way.”

They walked in silence, an uncomfortable weight pressing on Taryn’s shoulders. She usually enjoyed silence. Not this kind. “Will you let me know how you’re feeling tonight?” she asked as they approached Charlie’s Rogue.

“If you want me to. Yeah.” Her voice was soft and friendly again, but she was noticeably more reserved than usual. Taryn had a million questions diving and circling her brain, but the perfect sequence of words never seemed to assemble itself. Instead, she offered a nod. “Yeah. Thank you.”

She stood on the curb and watched as Charlie, the most beautiful and puzzling girl ever, drove away from her, taking a piece of Taryn’s heart along with her. “What the fuck was that?” she murmured, at a total and complete loss.

Too keyed up to work, study, or eat, Taryn found the walking trail that circled the perimeter of campus, and with her hands shoved into the pockets of her leather jacket, she replayed the afternoon over and over again. She realized that night had fallen around her as she walked, and her stomach rumbled, uncomfortable from lack of food. Didn’t matter. The more Taryn examined their interactions, the more she was convinced that maybe Charlie felt a sliver of what she did. And if that was the case, wasn’t there a conversation to be had? She blinked as terror descended. Oh, fuck no. There was no way she could bring this up to Charlie. Everything about Charlie had signaled she was straight until this point, including a very serious boyfriend. Plus, God, what if she was wrong? The embarrassment would be never-ending. Nope. She paused under a streetlight and regarded it for help, finally coming to her conclusion: so much better to just wait and wonder. And that’s simply what she would have to do. If Charlie felt anything for her whatsoever outside the boundaries of friendship, there would be more signals along the way. Her new trajectory would have Taryn paying close attention.

* * *

The dog barking incessantly in the apartment above Charlie’s had woken her up three different times the night before, and now she’d woken up grumpy and exhausted. Not only that, but her slow-moving status left her less than fifteen minutes to get out the door to teach her intro creative writing class, and no will at all to make that happen. Glaring at the walls and furniture, she moved slowly from her room to the kitchen, wearing one of her nicer suits in the hope that it would make her rise to the occasion and deliver a killer version of the lesson she had planned for her students, one she’d actually been truly looking forward to until today. The short lecture, followed by a group brainstorming session, and finally individual writing and sharing time was generally a hit with her students. It would be in her best interest to get it the hell together.

But the overactive portion of her brain—the other reason she’d been left awake half the night—wasn’t exactly relenting. She took quick swallows of coffee and closed her eyes as it burned a trail down her throat. She needed it, though. Anything to jar her back to herself. She’d been on edge ever since she’d listened to Taryn describe her kiss with that Ashley woman, which she had no business caring about.

Yet she could no longer deny the fact that she had. Taryn made her feel things she hadn’t expected and shouldn’t feel, given where she was in her life. Danny was on the brink of proposing, she was nearing graduation, and until recently she’d believed herself to be an ally but certainly not a card-carrying member of the queer community. None of that seemed to matter to her mind and body. Her feelings had also joined the club because she didn’t just lust after Taryn, she felt strongly for her, too. She loved listening to her talk and found solace in those big brown eyes. There was a string between them, a tether that tugged Charlie in Taryn’s direction over and over again that she simply couldn’t ignore.

Now what? She swallowed and checked her watch. There was no time to solve all of her life’s problems on a Thursday morning in her kitchen, but it was time she stopped hiding from what continued to smack her in the face. She was deeply attracted to the grown-up Taryn Ross.

When she arrived on the second floor of the Saunders Building, her students were mostly assembled in their seats. She scanned the classroom and its raked seating that offered her a clear view of each student. With a smile, she deposited her belongings behind the small desk off to the side and moved to the podium to set up the slides she would run from her laptop. Something tugged at her, though, beckoning her to raise her gaze. She did. Seated in the back row on the far left side was a familiar brunette. She tilted her head in question. Taryn offered a four-finger wave and shooed her back to her job. She was crashing Charlie’s class? Interesting turn of events that gave her a slam of energy. If she’d been looking for a motivator this morning, she’d certainly come upon one.

“Good morning, everyone,” she said and made eye contact with several different students purposefully. A routine practice. Charlie had always believed that personal connection mattered in education. “How’s the final paper coming?” The question was greeted by a chorus of uncomfortable sighs. She nodded hyperbolically. “Oh, really. That good, huh?”

“No clue how real writers do it,” Trey Cobb said from the second row. Most of the students were hanging on by their fingernails, attempting to make it through the end of the semester. Final projects and exams loomed, demanding more from them than ever before. Care packages were arriving on campus, overflowing with snacks and notes from home. Travel plans had long been made for the end of finals week. Identifying, Charlie hoped to ease the mental load as much as she could.

“Well, I have news for you, Trey. You’re a real writer.”

“If you say so,” he said half-heartedly. The kid was better than he thought, though, and before the semester was over, she planned to make sure he knew it.

“Well, hopefully a few of the tips I have for you today will loosen your brain, get your words unstuck, and have you writing the best work of fiction you’ve ever turned out. Who’s with me?”

She saw the class sit a little taller and greet her with a few grins in response. “I’ll take that. Let’s get started.” As she turned to her slide deck, she was aware of Taryn’s eyes on her. As she began her short lecture, the glimpses she grabbed let her know that Taryn was sitting back in her chair, wearing a black shirt and plaid scarf. Too good. She’d rested her chin in her hand and never took her eyes off Charlie. She’d make a good student, Charlie realized, feeling proud. The class was a successful one and rowdy by the end with the group coming together and offering suggestions to their classmates and encouraging one another, just the environment Charlie had been going for, and she smiled at the success. When class concluded, Charlie remained at the podium for private questions from her students and then packed her materials in her attaché, the one she never could have afforded on her own. Monica had purchased it as a gift once Charlie had been assigned her first class as an instructor. All the while, she knew exactly where Taryn was in the room without even fully watching. Apparently, it was her gift.

Taryn had repositioned herself near the door, arms folded across her chest, all assured and looking amazing. She’s waiting for me, Charlie thought, suppressing a smile. Honestly, it was her first genuine smile since she’d heard Ashley had kissed Taryn. She gave herself a moment to savor the happy effect before making her way over to the door and Taryn.

“Well, this was a surprise. Hoping to pick up a few writing tips on the fly?”

Taryn’s eyes were bright and she shook her head as if in amazement. “You had them eating out of the palm of your hand and then each other’s. That was amazing.”

Charlie felt her herself fill up with that compliment. She shrugged. “I think because I’ve been in their shoes and carry such passion for the subject matter, I’m able to work my way in. At least, that’s my hope.” She closed the classroom door behind her and led them down the hall.

“Have you considered teaching as a career at all?”

“Um…” The truth was she had but had never given the thought voice. “I have, actually. I think I want to get out there and give myself a chance to struggle and get my writing career going. Maybe down the road I can bring back what I’ve learned to the classroom.”

“You have my vote if you ever get the chance.”

Charlie had a feeling that Taryn would support her in most anything she attempted in life, from choosing an ice cream flavor to a risky career. “I’m glad you came. Brightened my morning.” Instinctively as they descended the steep outdoor staircase to the sidewalk, Charlie looped her arm through Taryn’s, feeling too light to stop herself.

“Well, watching you in your element completely brightened mine. I don’t think you understand how in awe of you I am right now, and I was already fairly impressed with you in general.”

“Stick around. There might be more.”

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