Page 38 of When You Smile

“Mom,” Danny said.

“What? I’m a mother.” She laughed, loud and warm. “And a future for you two kids was all Deirdre and I ever wanted, so I might be overly excited to see it all coming to fruition. I just wish she was here with us to enjoy it as much as I am.”

“Totally allowed,” Charlie said, placing a hand over Danny’s. “And I like to think that she is.” She exhaled slowly. “I think we’re just hyperfocused on surviving the semester and not murdering each other in the midst of class critiques.”

“If he’s being too hard on you, you call me,” Monica said with an exaggerated glare. She tapped her mauve-painted fingernails on the table as if preparing for Mom battle.

“This is a helpful offer.” Charlie turned to Danny. “I’ll do it, too.”

With that, he held up his hands. “Heard. I have no death wish. Now let me get those plates.” Danny cleared their plates, and once coffee was served, Monica turned to Charlie. “How about a little one-on-one chat?”

Charlie grinned. “I’d love it. You got this?” she asked Danny, who stood at the sink in rinse mode.

“I can probably figure it out,” he called over his shoulder.

Charlie led Monica to the small outdoor sitting area at the back of her apartment. It had been a selling point in the early days when she’d first visited. The back of the complex faced a wooded area thick with trees and a walking path. It was Charlie’s peaceful place, where she came to think and decompress.

“This is adorable,” Monica said, surveying the natural surroundings. “Your own little carved-out slice of nature.”

“I sit out here a lot, actually,” Charlie said. “Sometimes I even talk to Mom.”

Monica’s eyes went soft. “I guarantee she hears you. Whenever I talk to her, I get a little tingle on the back of my neck, and I know that’s her way of giving me a nudge.” Monica sighed. “She’d be so excited about you and Danny, Charlotte. You have no idea. We used to joke about you two growing up and making us grandmas, and I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but I can tell you that I speak for the both of us when I say that it would be wonderful.” She squeezed Charlie’s wrist. “No pressure.” The laugh she tossed in helped ease the weight of the comment, but she was, in fact, serious.

“She was always trying to get us together.” A romance with Danny had seemed a foreign concept to her back then. But after her mom passed, Danny almost felt like a way of being closer to her. In many ways, it seemed like she was fulfilling a wish of her mom’s. That part felt really good. She just had to find a way to make their relationship spark the way it should. She needed to feel…off-center, excited, giddy, or downright flushed, the way she had the other day after her shower when Taryn—

The thought came to a screeching halt on command, but there was already heat creeping up her neck. She sipped her coffee, hoping the action would distract her brain, but she wound up choking on it and sputtering like a lunatic.

“You okay, sweetie?” Monica took the mug from Charlie’s hand and set it safely on the table. She raised an eyebrow and waited until Charlie regained control. “That snuck up on you, didn’t it?”

“You can say that again,” Charlie said. Because dammit, had it ever. “Sorry. Sometimes talking about Mom brings it all rushing back.” She exhaled slowly, a confession bubbling. “I miss her so much my chest hurts at night when I think about all I didn’t get to tell her that day.”

“That makes you a human being. And the next time that happens, you call me. Tell me all about your day. Danny or not, you’re my best friend’s little girl, and I will always be here for you. Do you hear me?” Her voice was coated in conviction on that last part.

“I hear you. And it means more to me than you’ll ever know.” Monica made her feel not alone, a mother figure when she could really use one. Her voice had lost half its strength and an uncomfortable lump arrived in Charlie’s throat because Monica’s eyes were now wet and full. Grief was swift in its arrival. Always had been. That was one thing she’d learned over the past three years. A single moment could be turned on its head the second grief entered the chat. She’d never get used to it. Ever. Her mom should be here. Why didn’t the Universe take her asshole father instead? “And if it makes you feel better, Danny and I talked about rings not too long ago.” She was trying to throw Monica a bone, longing to make her happy. The truth was that he’d asked what kind of ring she might be interested in when a commercial had come on television one night. She’d completely evaded the topic, surprised by how wildly uncomfortable it had made her.

Monica drew in a loud, excited breath. “I knew it. I don’t know how, but I knew you two were quietly making plans.” She held up a hand as if to stop herself from going too far. “But I don’t want to rush you. Just know that if Deirdre was here, we would have to run around the side of the building and squeal a little. We would have been the hippest grandmas together.”

“I believe it.” Charlie smiled, basking in the joy that now radiated off Monica because of the truth she’d stretched. Charlie had always been a people pleaser, probably going back to never wanting to ruffle any feathers when her father was in the vicinity. Like the perfect little soldier, she did what she could to keep peace in the house, not just for herself but for her mom, too. Old habits died hard.

“What did I miss?” Danny asked, joining them.

“Charlie and I were just discussing the very bright future,” Monica said and bumped her eyebrows at Charlie. “And I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.”

Danny looked slyly from Charlie to Monica. “Anything you’d care to share?”

“Absolutely not,” Monica said. “Just between us girls. Isn’t that right, Charlotte?”

“Definitely,” Charlie said, sinking into herself a little more with each moment that passed.

She had trouble sleeping that night, unsure why she felt like she couldn’t move when she had all the space in the world to stretch and breathe. Danny slept at his place because he planned to work out early and knew it was her day to sleep in. She touched the pillow, realizing she should probably miss him. Instead, her mind wandered to Taryn and how things had gone with her mentor. She hadn’t heard from her in a couple of days and decided she’d reach out in the morning.

When she woke, she blinked at a message from Taryn on her phone.

Good morning, Charlie.

That was it. That’s all the message said, but those three words put a smile on her face that stayed with her all morning. Her classes flew by, she laughed a little easier, and when the afternoon rolled around, she was still riding high. The only thing that could make things any better was blowing off her afternoon writing session and catching up with Taryn in person. Yes, she was leaning in to the good feelings, a very unexpected happy spot in her life, and calling it an experiment in flying by the seat of her pants. Giving in to the urge to spend time with this new friend made her feel like there was finally an abundance of air in the room. Taryn didn’t expect or demand anything from her. In Taryn’s eyes, she was an amazing writer and an even better cook. Not only did she feel like a superstar of a human in Taryn’s presence, but she craved time in Taryn’s presence as well. “So, let’s see what she’s up to today.”

Want to stare at some trees?

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