Page 80 of When You Smile

“Hey,” Taryn said, as she approached. She looked at the building and back to Charlie. “Taking up Spanish?” Her stomach rippled with nervous energy.

“You’re a coward.” Charlie’s eyes were ice. She slid her hands into her back pockets and watched Taryn in stillness. The word stung because it was the one thing Taryn never wanted to be yet knew she was.

“Okay.” Taryn inhaled. “What’s going on? Should we talk?”

Charlie turned and pointedly walked away from the gathering of students, securing privacy for whatever exchange they were about to have. Taryn dutifully followed, class abandoned. She was terrified of the Charlie in front of her now, yet still so in love that every part of Taryn sang out to be in her presence again. It didn’t seem fair that she was this gorgeous in anger.

When they settled, Charlie simply stared at her. Impenetrable. She’d armored herself, and Taryn felt the waves of self-protection radiating from her.

“Talk to me,” Taryn said. “Please?”

“You let her get to you. Monica. How could you do that?”

Taryn nodded, understanding, her spirits plummeting in shame. Danny had informed Charlie, which meant Charlie knew everything, and Taryn hadn’t been the one to tell her. She’d known it was coming, but it was still awful. Why had she hesitated to simply pick up her phone? All she could do now is do her best to explain. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you losing out on New York. On the job. It was your dream, Charlie, what you wanted more than anything. You said so all the time.”

Charlie blinked and shook her head. “I didn’t want anything as much as I wanted you and me.” She held her gaze. “Which seems foolish of me, because you walked away so very easily, Taryn.”

“There was nothing easy about it. I promise you that.” Her shoulders sagged. “I don’t eat anymore. I don’t enjoy anything. I miss you more than words can communicate, and I know it’s my own fault.” Underneath it all, she understood the damage she’d done. It took a lot for Charlie to trust and believe herself worthy of love, and Taryn had gone and shaken that trust to its core, snatched it away.

“Did you love me?” Charlie asked. Taryn remembered the phone call and the wonderful moment when they’d said the words to each other. She almost couldn’t stomach the fact that she’d taken them back.

“Not did. Do. I’ve been deeply in love with you for a long time, and that’s not going to change.”

Charlie nodded, her eyes brimming with tears. The anger had faded and vulnerability snuck through. The woman in front of her now was sad and broken. Taryn had never hated anything more.

“I’m so sorry. I have so many regrets, Charlie, but not coming to you immediately after the reception is by far the biggest. If there’s a chance to undo what I’ve done, I’d take it. In an instant.”

Charlie wiped the tears the moment they spilled over. “That’s the thing about an instant. Most anything can change on a dime, right? We established that, once upon a time. And you and I have changed, Taryn. I gotta go.”

It wasn’t an answer, but Taryn had to respect Charlie’s words and their implication. She stood right there in that spot watching after the woman who was walking away with her whole heart, wanting more than anything to chase after her and make her remember all the good things about them. She wanted to apologize over and over, and to hold Charlie and let them both cry. But none of those things seemed to be what Charlie wanted, which meant Taryn would continue to feel and wait and hope for the day she’d have her chance. She just prayed there would be such a day. In the meantime, she refused to be the one thing Charlie now thought she was, a coward. She would harness what courage she could gather and go after what she wanted more than anything else in life, Charlotte Adler.

Chapter Twenty

Charlie was going to miss the quiet of the library when she finally turned in her badge. With just a few weeks left until that day, she soaked in her time behind the desk, interacting with students and reshelving books. Something about the weight of the hardcovers in her hand anchored her during a time she felt adrift. In fact, she noticed herself lingering beyond the hours of her shift, pitching in at the circular reference desk, which also kept her from sitting alone in her apartment where her emotions would swarm.

“You’re extra quiet today,” Emerson said, offering her a shoulder bump.

She smiled. “I noticed that, too. I apologize. Still not quite myself.”

“I know,” Emerson said simply. “And that’s okay.” She rested a hand on the return cart. “Any job leads?”

“One.” After she’d turned down the Broadland Rhodes opportunity, refusing to be beholden to someone as manipulative as Monica showed herself to be, she’d scoured the internet for anything that would keep her in her field of study while she continued to develop her manuscript. “There’s an instructor position at Littleton University, not far from Brooklyn. The course load is manageable, and I’d still have plenty of time to write.”

“And it’s still New York.”

Charlie shrugged. “Dream-adjacent? Let’s go with that.”

The truth was she was excited by the idea. It wasn’t the glamorous path she’d imagined, but she enjoyed the classroom and all the details seemed to align.

“You would rock that job. You’re an inspiring instructor.”

“Thank you. I have a final interview next week.” She checked her watch. “And I’ve been here an extra two hours.” She sighed. “I should head home.”

“The books will miss you. Me, too.”

She reached for Emerson, pulled her into a tight hug because she felt like it. Their friendship had become an unexpected bright spot that she refused to take for granted.

“Be safe out there. It’s dark.”

---