Page 78 of When You Smile

“Tare, she’s hurting. This came out of nowhere for her.”

“Us both.” She dropped her head back and stared up at the sky, praying for the sea of blue to swallow her up so she didn’t have to go another day in this alternate reality that never should have been. What an absolute nightmare. “My only hope is that down the road she’ll give me another chance. I’ve prayed for that every day since the last time I saw her. I can’t get the look on her face out of my head. I’m such an asshole.”

Caz didn’t hesitate. “My advice is don’t wait for that second-chance moment. Tell Charlie everything and let the chips fall where they may.”

More and more, Taryn was beginning to believe that Caz was right. She needed to inform Charlie about her conversation with Monica and hope that she understood why Taryn did what she did. “I’m not a controlling person, but somehow I felt the need to control this?”

Caz shook her head. “That needs a reframing. You love her and wanted to make sure she was happy. As misguided as the decision might have been—no offense—you were sacrificing yourself for her. It’s noble in a way.” She clapped Taryn on the back. “Now we just might need to tweak your technique.”

“I have so much to learn.”

“Don’t we all.”

“And I might be an asshole.”

“Nah, not at all.”

The conversation had kicked something loose, and Taryn knew what she had to do. There was a TKE brother in her narrative photography class who let her know that their weekly meetings, complete with advisors present, happened every Thursday afternoon. Armed with that information, she waited on the sidewalk in front of the house until Danny made his way up the walk at ten minutes before the hour.

He eyed Taryn as she approached and regarded her with a weary sigh. “Something I can do for you, Taryn?”

It was the kind of moment she’d shy away from normally—she was averse to conflict and facing the hard moments. Yet she refused to give herself too much credit for bravery when it should have been Charlie she chased down. And she would, once she found the words and the courage to face her in person. “I need a few minutes of your time.”

“Can’t do it. I have a meeting.”

“I know. And that’s why I’m here. It’s that important.” She shifted her weight and closed her eyes. “It’s about Charlie. Please?”

That held his attention, and he softened. He still cared about her, that much was apparent. “All right. I can give you five.”

Taryn nodded. And with a deep breath, she imparted the entire story of the showcase, Monica’s surprising attendance, and the ultimatum she’d leveled at Taryn. If Danny was surprised, he didn’t show it. If anything, the news seemed to hang on him, heavy and uncomfortable.

He stared at the sidewalk and then shifted his gaze back to Taryn. “And you’re telling me this because…”

“Charlie needs to know before she heads to New York in a few weeks.”

“Shouldn’t you be the one to tell her?”

“I don’t think she wants to hear from me.” It was an excuse and Taryn damn well knew it. Standing in front of Charlie and admitting the truth was too daunting to tackle just yet. Fear had her in a stranglehold, but that didn’t mean Charlie should be kept in the dark a moment longer. That had been a mistake. “Please just tell her.”

Chapter Nineteen

Charlie’s ten a.m. capstone course, designed to be the finale in her creative writing journey, was her one saving grace these days. Feeling let down, brokenhearted, and alone, she generally just went through the motions these days. Most everything in her life made her mad or sad, or—worse—reminded her of Taryn and all she’d lost.

Capstone was different. It allowed her to draw into herself and create worlds where she could escape from her own bleak reality. It pulled together everything she’d learned in the last three years and made her feel ready to take on the world. When things felt extra hopeless, she tried to focus on two things as a salve: her work as a creative release, and leaving Hillspoint University far, far behind. She didn’t know the unique details of what her future held in New York, but it was a new start she desperately needed. Until then, she’d hang on and close out her time as a student with as much strength as she could gather.

“Hey. You okay?” Danny asked quietly during a lull in their class discussion. He sat across from her at the conference table, his brows drawn down and concern written all over his face. He knew her well enough to pick up on her cues. They’d kept up a polite friendship that never went much deeper than class procedures and casual hellos. She was grateful they’d been able to sidestep any unfortunate dramatic displays. They were adults and handling themselves that way. Today, Danny seemed to tear down the polite barrier and reach through.

“Me? I’m fine. Just need to catch up on sleep,” she said quietly, not wanting to draw the attention of their classmates. She gestured to the dark circles that had crept up under her eyes recently. She wasn’t looking her best but also had trouble caring, keeping her energy focused on survival and not beating herself up too terribly for trusting.

“You don’t seem fine.”

She bristled. Her walls were up these days because she’d learned a valuable lesson. She kept the world and everyone in it at arm’s length, and that included Danny. “Can you just take me at my word?” She was too exhausted to fake it convincingly.

“We need to talk after class,” he said, as the lecture resumed. She could only imagine what he had to say and honestly didn’t want to listen.

“No, we don’t,” she mouthed back. She didn’t even shoot for a civil exchange. She was done with pretense and seeking out harmony with others. What had it gotten her in the end?

He let the conversation die, but when their class dismissed, she found him waiting at the base of the steps of the Saunders Building, one foot propped up on the bottom stair.

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