Page 64 of When You Smile

When Charlie emerged from her bedroom in jeans and a red sweater, she found Monica in her kitchen making herself a cup of coffee. She turned as Charlie entered the room.

“Monica. I’m sorry about all this. It wasn’t how I intended for you to find out.”

Instead of answering, Monica took all the time in the world to blow on her coffee. “That was clear,” she said finally. Monica never left the house without a full face of makeup and a perfect curated outfit, and today was no different. She peered at Charlie, her expertly lined eyes moving over her as if searching for clues, information. “Do you want to explain?”

“My friend Taryn stayed over last night.” Even Charlie winced at the use of the word friend. Nothing felt right about it.

“Do you sleep in the same bed with all your friends?” Monica set her cup on the coffee table and took a seat on the couch. “Let’s be grown-ups, Charlotte.”

“Did Danny talk to you about him and me?”

“He said you’d pressed pause on the relationship. I had planned, when I saw you this morning, to find out if you were okay and to ask if you’d come to a decision about the holidays. They are looming, after all. I think I just received my answer.”

Words and their arrangement, which had always been Charlie’s strong suit, failed her. How did she explain that she was in the process of getting to know her true self and understanding who she was in a whole new sense? That she was experiencing a shockingly high level of happiness she hadn’t known was an option? But no. She couldn’t say any of that. Not when it came at the expense of Monica’s son.

“Who is she, if you don’t mind my asking?” Monica asked, taking a seat on the sofa and crossing her legs.

“A family friend I used to know from back in Dyer. We reconnected when she transferred to Hillspoint.”

“I see. And is this”—she took a moment to select the word—“a relationship or merely an evening together? Think carefully.”

This one was hard. She knew the answer without question but found it difficult to confess to Monica of all people. Instead of eye contact, she focused on Monica’s dark pink nail polish and the round/square manicured edges of her nails. “I have true feelings for Taryn.”

The silence was overwhelming.

“I hear you, and as always, I want the best for you, Charlotte. But I’m very much afraid that you’ve gotten caught up in something that could easily ruin your life.” She snapped her fingers in demonstration.

“I promise, that’s not the case,” Charlie said, defenses flaring. Nothing about her feelings for Taryn felt like a mistake. They were the most honest thing Charlie had ever known. She just wasn’t sure how to go about making Monica believe her. It would take time, she realized. Charlie would have to be patient, and she could. They were family, after all.

“Oh, sweetheart. I’m afraid you’ve gone and lost your head over something shiny. It happens to all of us,” Monica said with a sympathetic wince. “Come here.” She stood and held her arms open for Charlie, who moved into them automatically because this was Monica, who mattered. She clearly wasn’t ready to hear Charlie in this moment, but she would understand when time passed, and Charlie hadn’t wavered.

“I promise you that’s not what this is,” Charlie said as Monica released her. “I do care about Danny and hope that we will always be friends. You all are my family, and I would hate to lose you just because the romance portion of our relationship has come to an end.”

Monica nodded, but the kindness behind her eyes dried up. “I told your mother I would always be here for you, and I will.” She picked up her mug, took another sip, and moved to place it in the sink. “The whole thing is a great shame. Are you a lesbian now, Charlie?” She’d said it as if the words left an unpleasant taste in her mouth.

Monica was on the board of multiple organizations that supported LGBT rights and was liberal across most any social issue. Yet that support seemed hugely absent in their conversation. “I’m figuring it all out in real time.”

Monica offered a slight shrug. “Then I suppose I’ll check in on you when you know more. You’re of course still invited for the holidays, should you choose to be there. We’d love to have you. Arlene will be making her famous brisket, which I remember was your favorite.” She kissed Charlie’s cheek and placed a hand on each of her shoulders. “I sincerely hope you know what you’re doing and that you’re right about this. Regret is an awful thing.”

Charlie nodded. “I’m right.”

“Famous last words.” Monica offered what could only be described as a sad smile. “Good-bye, Charlie. We’ll talk soon, okay?” She didn’t wait for a response, closing the door behind her with a soft click.

Charlie exhaled slowly and gripped the back of the nearby chair to ground her. She was shaking, she only just realized, and felt like she might cry. Taryn emerged from the bedroom in the clothes she’d worn the night before, and Charlie didn’t hesitate. She moved straight to her, pulled her in, and kissed her. In that moment, she needed that kiss not just for her, but for Taryn. To show her how important she was, to express it in the most vital way she knew how. Their morning had been turned upside down, but they didn’t have to be. She wouldn’t let that happen. Taryn kissed her back with just as much urgency, which in the end left them breathless and reconnected.

“I was coming out here to ask if you were okay,” Taryn said, likely bewildered by the ambush.

Charlie ran her thumb across Taryn’s bottom lip. “I’m going to be. That was so not how I wanted you to wake up this morning.”

“The fact that you’re even thinking about me right now says a whole lot.” A soft smile appeared and Charlie felt it all over.

“I love your smile. You’re gorgeous in the morning, you know that?”

Taryn touched her hair absently as if checking in on its status. She’d tamed it since Charlie saw her last, but there was still a wild quality that she liked a great deal. “I’ve not heard that before, but then again, no true overnights like this one.” A small blush blossomed.

“I’m honored,” Charlie said softly. “I’m going to pour you boring coffee.”

“Good. The more boring, the better.” Taryn took a seat on the couch. “I hope it’s okay to say that I heard most of the conversation.”

---