Page 35 of Dirty Little Saint

Am I just fooling myself into thinking I was some poor, helpless girl fighting to stay alive? I didn’t hesitate either time. A dark rage took over me on both of those nights. A need for revenge and redemption.

I shake my head, my emotions unfurling from the most depraved parts of me. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Atlas leans back against the couch. He twirls a vial of poison between his fingers. His blue-green eyes sparkle. I could literally drown in the depths of them. I search his gaze for peace, but all I find is a beautiful chaos. It teeters on insanity, pulling me in deeper with every breath. Seducing me every time he flicks his tongue across his perfectly full lips.

He smirks as he catches the way my throat bobs. “We know who you are, Maur. You’re our firecracker. Our pretty little psycho. You’re the woman we lay sacrament to and worship. Blood… death… we don’t give a fuck about all that. To us, you’re just ours.”

As fucked up as that sounds, it stirs a little tremor in my belly. A longing in my heart. An ache between my thighs. Fuck, why am I so drawn to their madness?

And at this moment, I realize I’m not angry with Atlas anymore. I don’t think I ever was. I just needed to take it out on him. I forgot how hectic loving him can be. He’s never shown me to be anything but sadistic. His moods are whimsical, flippant, and unhinged. But he would never intentionally let anyone hurt me. Last night was normal for him. These rituals are all he’s ever known. Nocturnus is his life.

I’m the stranger in this world. I’m the one who is getting a crash course in cults and secret societies. Val didn’t do anything to stop it either. But he expressed his regrets and sorrow for leaving me alone with Holden.

That’s what irks me. Atlas doesn’t seem to care. That’s what hurts me the most. “I need some air.”

I rush out the front door before they can respond. The fog is thick, all the way down to the ground. There’s a crisp chill in the air that reminds me of Tenebrose. The way it whips through my hair, biting my flesh. I’m filled with melancholy, a longing to go back. I miss my classes, my friends, and even the unlit paths through the woods.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, sucking down the last traces of winter. When I open my eyes, I gasp and try to remain as calm as possible. Over a dozen ravens perch on the ground, surrounding me. My pulse races.

They don’t squawk at me as usual. Instead, they are quiet and still as they gaze back at me. I’m afraid to move. “What in the actual fuck?” I murmur.

“Don’t be afraid,” Atlas whispers in my ear. I didn’t even hear him walk up over the hammering of my heart.

“What do they want from me?” I swallow hard, willing saliva into my mouth.

He brushes his lips across my neck. “The same thing we all want…” He kisses my sigil. “To serve you.”

I turn in his arms and have to crane my neck to meet his haunting gaze. “Back at Tenebrose, you told me to come to you after they hurt me. But you never said you’d stop them from doing so.”

His eyes light up with approval. He slides his hands around my waist and pulls me to his chest. “Now you’re getting it. I will never go against my nature or prevent others from going against theirs. But I can put you back together after they’ve picked you apart.”

I nod. My addiction to all three of them festers like a disease. Our mutual obsession is as twisted as the dead branches beneath my boots, rotting and spoiling anything good left in me. But I don’t care. I want them too much. This need consumes my every waking thought and impulse.

“Will you ever hurt me, Atlas?” I feel his muscles flex as I run my hands over his chest, wishing I could feel his skin instead of his T-shirt.

“Mmm, only in the best possible way,” he purrs. His eyes flash—hungry, feral.

I draw in a deep breath as he crushes his lips to mine. Everything else falls away in his kiss. I forget about the cold, the ravens, and the ritual scars that mar my flesh. He tastes like honey and wine. Like sweet fucking desecration.

I moan into his mouth as I claw at his clothes, desperate to get them off. “Please, Atlas…”

He scrapes his teeth up the length of my jaw until he reaches my earlobe. He takes it between his teeth and nips. I wince as it pinches and stings. He snickers at my discomfort but eases up. I let out a deep breath as his tongue lashes out, the heat from it soothing my tender flesh. He sucks my lobe like he’s drinking from a fountain of eternal youth. Like a fucking vampire drinking blood. It’s excruciating and orgasmic. Agonizing yet stimulating.

Pleasure is never without pain. He reminds me of that as he bites down harder this time. I whimper and dig my fingers into his arms. “Get inside me right fucking now.”

“Not until I’ve left my teeth marks all over your body.” The buttons of my shirt fly off and hit the ground as he rips the fabric open. With one hand, he unhooks my bra and tosses it.

I shiver and try to cover myself, but he pushes my arms back. He brushes his palms over my nipples, sending goose pebbles across my skin. My nipples swell and ache, hardening with each flick of his hand.

The sound of feathers ruffling reminds me we’re not alone. “They’re watching us.”

“Let them fucking watch, Maur. Let them see how I destroy you.” He unzips my pants and pushes them down along with my panties. My pussy spasms as he palms it with his cold hand.

But he doesn’t move.

“Atlas,” I whine.

He flicks his tongue over my nipple. “I wanna hold my pussy first.” He licks my other nipple, drawing slow circles around it with the tip of his tongue. “I wanna feel its pulse beating in my hand. The fucking ache and throb as it begs to be fucked.”

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