Page 41 of Freeing My Alpha

All at once, I remember what it felt like to believe I lost Noah after the first day we met; the furious heat that consumed me is all-too-familiar as it whips my insides. I struggle through every breath with sharp gasps, not wanting to go back there. My whole body shakes as the first cramps hit, my desire so strong that I curl over the sink in overwhelm. Noah has always been there to mate the heat out of me, but now it feels stuck. Maybe it’s been worsening this whole time, just like Noah’s rutting.

Lilian rubs my back, softening her voice. “You're okay. This is normal.”

“It hurts.”

“Of course it’s going to hurt. You have to stop denying your wolf. They’re our inner guides, carrying us toward what our hearts crave most. And your dreams are the whole reason you’re alive. If you don’t nurture her heart in return, what could be more important?”

“B-but I don’t want Noah to feel pressured. It really is early. What if we decide to have the baby, and we suddenly don't love each other anymore?”

“You feel the truth in your heart, don’t you? Wolves are all heart, no logic. And your heart is what matters here.”

“I want it to be all that matters. But what if it’s wrong? What if I’m jumping to conclusions again, and he’s not the man I think he is?” I slip into panic, struggling to catch my breath between tears. “I don’t want someone to hold my dreams against me again, especially not this one. He can say it's my fault he hurt me again if I ask for it. I don't want to give him a reason to hurt me.”

Lilian lays her head on my shoulder, rubbing my back as I shake the two of us with my tears. I inhale as much as I can of her calming scent—at least enough to allow me to breathe again.

“That was then,” Lilian says. “This is now.”

I close my eyes, letting out a heavy sob at her words.

She holds me in silence before muttering, “How can you know Noah will do the same, unless you ask what he wants?”

“I did ask. This was his answer.”

“You told him very clearly you wanted to have a baby?”

“Yes,” I groan. “Someday. And he said he wants to wait until we feel ready.”

“Did you tell him you were ready to have one now?”

I take the napkin Lilian hands me, quickly hiding my dripping nose. “Well... No...”

When she looks at me knowingly, one eyebrow quirking up, I have to laugh through my tears.

“Okay, you're right. I should tell him the entire truth.”

Lilian breaks into a gentle smile. “Come sit.”

She sets me up with ice water and a refreshed washcloth at the center island. But before I can fully relax, I'm mindlinked.

Sweet Omega, this is my heads up that I’m already on my way over to help you. No need to dissuade me; I’m never too busy for you.

I groan, and Lilian whips around in surprise.

“Noah’s ditching work for me,” I say.

She chuckles, readying some premade rolls for the oven. “As he should.”

For the first time, she allows herself to show pride for her son around me. It both melts and breaks my heart.

Please, universe, Moon Goddess, someone—get Lilian to tell Noah how much she really loves him.

Now that I’ve made my decision to tell Noah, the heat settles enough to be a quiet, tolerable simmer in my gut. I hop off the stool, gathering spices to add to the stew once it boils. Lilian falls into silent dance with me around the kitchen, handing me more food to prepare with her—as if we hadn’t just discussed life-altering decisions that could affect the pack for generations.

When Noah finally bursts through the kitchen doors, I do a double-take.

His teal eyes still edge on green, wild and desperate. Just the sight of him makes me want to soothe his stress.

Then the smell hits.

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