Page 22 of Freeing My Alpha

Keeping his torso tight against mine, Noah only leans back with his head. Our noses brush as Noah’s golden eyes meet my stare.

“I want you,” Noah whispers against my lips.

My stomach flips. He doesn’t usually say things like that. I think he avoids it to overprotect me from feeling pressured to have sex, but I know Noah, and he only wants me if I want him back. And every piece of me wants him too.

As I crash my lips against his, his hands tighten against my waist, and I’ve never craved him more. It’s wild how rapidly my body responds to him lately; I can physically feel my cervix lifting toward my belly button, every internal muscle preparing for Noah to enter me. I gasp for air between kisses, unable to catch my breath with how good it feels to be against him, my skin buzzing everywhere we meet.

Noah leans forward, carrying my weight until I’m safely nestled into the pillows behind me. Staring up at him, I tug his shirt off, and he unbuttons mine. My heart only hammers harder as he unlatches my front-fastening bra, leaving me bare with my clothes splayed at my sides.

But as he strips my pants, Noah freezes.

“What?” I ask, still breathless.

Noah clears his throat, opening his mouth to speak. He flattens his palm against my abdomen, dropping my heartbeat into my belly. I gasp at how sensitive my stomach feels beneath his gentle hands, especially now that there’s meaning applied to it. Noah’s sharp gaze snaps to my face. When we meet eyes, he hurriedly moves his palm to my thigh.

“What’s wrong?” My voice shakes through my exhale.

“W-well, I just realized— I initiated, but I wasn’t clear about what I initiated, so—”

I suck in a tight breath. He’s right: I said “yes,” to sex, but did he mean sex without a condom?

“I mean, I—” I bite my lip, unsure what to say.

How do you decide when it’s the right time to bring a whole new life into the world? God, am I a horrible person for thinking I have the power to decide that? Is this a god complex?

“Hey,” Noah whispers. My attention zips back to him. With one glance into his stable eyes, I melt into the pillows. Noah softly smiles. “There you go. There’s no pressure. We’ve got time.”

I prop myself on my elbows. “But I’m not sure I’ll know when it’s time.”

Noah’s concern flickers in our bond. “If it’s not an immediate yes, I’m not comfortable with pushing it.”

I frown. “I’m not sure if I’ve told you this before, but OCD is called ‘the doubt disorder.’ No matter how hard I try, I’ll doubt everything, forever, since I can’t find absolute certainty in almost anything.”

Noah’s eyes widen. “Oh, shit, I wasn’t thinking about that. I’m sorry.” Biting his lips, Noah runs his hands down my sides. “T-then what do you think would be better? I mean, an immediate yes might not be a good merit, but maybe what I meant was more like I don’t want to ignore your human side. I’ve been aware from the start that my culture would be moving way too fast compared to how you were raised. I’ll be here for months, years, ready to do this with you, and I want us both to feel prepared.”

I grip Noah’s arms, desperate to keep feeling his hands on me. My heart hasn’t pounded so hard in weeks, unaccustomed to discussing these possibilities with him after we settled into a gentle balance. “You’re right. I want this to be intentional and well thought-out too, especially since it won’t be our baby’s choice to be born, it’ll be ours to be parents. This is totally, completely on us. We’ll be choosing to dedicate the rest of our lives to them.”

“Y-yeah, I— Yeah. Exactly. It’s a massive decision.” Noah chews on his bottom lip, studying my face. I can’t quite read what he’s thinking, and it only makes my heart hammer harder.

Noah’s eyes widen, watching me open and close my mouth with heavy, anxious breaths. I laugh through my embarrassment at his quirked eyebrow, gripping fistfuls of the sheets beneath my sides.

“Do you want it now?” I blurt out. “Even after talking about all these scary responsibilities and commitments?”

My mate fidgets over me with a hard swallow. His cheeks are still flushed, but a massive burst of shyness erupts in our bond, darkening them another shade. “I’m right there with you in terms of wants, but— But I don’t mind waiting either.”

I gape beneath Noah as the reason for his sudden flood of shyness becomes clear; when we met, he might’ve played this off as something he’d want someday, but I think becoming a father is a deeply ingrained life dream for Noah too. Which means now that he’s found me, he’s been ready, and it’s not just to please me.

The go-ahead relies on me.

I spread my knees, considering it. My scent blossoms with my thoughts, imagining Noah inside me with nothing between us.

But as Noah’s eyes suddenly shift into yellow, he blinks hard. A waft of his Alpha musk forces me to wince through its sharp sting, and Noah jerks back from me. “Wait, I— I feel weird.”

My heart kicks into a sprint as I cup his burning cheeks, searching him all over for what’s wrong. “Weird? Like how?”

He shuts his eyes tight, but his hands squeeze my hips. No, wait, they’re drifting lower. Okay, he’s gripping fistfuls of my ass... and dragging his nose across my jugular to scent the sensitive gland on my neck.

I shiver. “Noah?”

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