Page 140 of Freeing My Alpha

We’re both stunned at the conviction in my tone. But then my cheeks flare with embarrassment.

Amy slumps. “Oh, babe... Seriously, what’s wrong?”

I shudder back tears, trying not to hiccup as they come pouring out of me. “I want to be the pack’s sex symbol, so badly. But I don't know if I'm ever going to feel okay enough to do what I want. What if we go through the whole ceremony, and after all this special treatment, I panic in front of everyone?”

I hold my rocky stomach, hoping it doesn’t overturn.

But Amy squeezes my shoulders, sincerity wiping out her worry from moments before. “You know what? That’s possible.”

My heart throbs, worsening my tears.

“But everyone will have to accept whatever happens. Whether you do it or not, you’re their Luna, and you deserve respect.”

“But why does that mean I deserve respect? Just because I love Noah?” I groan. “Everyone’s acting like I’m supposed to be some spoiled princess. If I'm only important because they see me as his pet, it’s demeaning.”

“This isn’t about Noah, but I hear you. I think you need to talk to him about his opinion on Lunas to clear that up. And I also don’t think you know how much you’ve already helped this community, even though you just got here. You weren't born into being their Luna, and you were given a choice. You chose to carry this weight for the pack. That means something huge to these wolves. More than you'll probably ever know.”

My heart throbs into my ears. “I have an idea of what it means to them, at least. That's why I care so much about being good enough for them.”

“But that's the thing. You’d still deserve their respect, even if you don't do a goddamn thing. And I think you should own it. I can see you want to.”

I grasp Amy’s hands, pulling her in closer. “A., I do want to be looked at with respect— And maybe even admiration. Even if it’s selfish to want and that selfishness makes me a bad person.”

A grin erupts across Amy’s face, and I’m stunned. She looks inspired.

I've never thought it could help others to be selfish, yet it's real, and it's happening. Maybe I can be a symbol of hope for our pack by taking up space. Maybe I can nurture them even better this way.

I flick my tears off, chasing the desire in my heart. “I need to mate with Noah in front of everyone, acting as the pack’s leading sex symbols. I don’t just want to, I need to. And I know that sounds weird when I say it out loud since I’m not the usual personality type to be a sex icon, but—”

“Really? Because I think you are. Just because you want this. I love sex, but I wouldn't want this.”

My breath heightens, stoking the fire my wolf won’t let go.

Luna... I want to be Luna.

Amy cups my cheeks, staring me straight in the eyes. “There she is. You know what I see?”

“Um—” I wince at how foolish I’m about to sound. “A sex symbol?”

“No. You’re not just a symbol. I see a sex matriarch. And we’re going to make sure you look like one.”

Amy drags me across the room back to the most expensive dresses, grasping the one I had my eyes on.

She thrusts it into my hands. “Try this, and at least two others you love. Fuck what everyone else thinks. Trust your wolf.”

Facing the dresses with fresh eyes, they don’t look like lingerie anymore. They look like how I want Noah to envision me for the rest of my life.

I want him to desire me. Not just my body and heart, but my confidence. I want him to witness the security in myself it takes to wear this after all I’ve been through.

With shaking hands, I grab not three, but four of my favorite dresses—without imagining anyone else's input.

Shit, this was easier than I thought. Is it supposed to be decided this quickly?

But Amy beams, her voice shaking as she rubs my shoulders. “So?! What do you think?”

“I... I absolutely love these. I can picture enjoying myself in at least one of them.”

“Fuck, yes! I love you so much.”

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