Page 13 of Freeing My Alpha

“Of course, love. Especially hearing you verbally kick their asses by standing in your truth. I love you to pieces.” I smile as Noah relaxes, drawing me to his chest. Breathing in his protective scent blankets peace over me. I loosen just enough to release my innermost thoughts. “These concepts aren’t new to me, anyway. They sound a lot like a Lycan version of Steven.”

Noah’s arms tense.

Before I can blink, he steps back from me, gripping his forehead.

But he doesn’t say anything.

“Noah? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be an extra downer—” I reach for him, but I gasp. Yellow eyes stare back, his wolf on full alert.

“Do you think he’s an Alpha-domination Lycan?” He rasps. “He could be in one of those shitty neighboring packs, just like I’ve been worried about.”

I shake my head. Not because I don’t believe Noah, but because I don’t want to. The thought of Steven morphing into a giant, raging beast sends my nervous system reeling, my vision fading into black and white.

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Noah grabs my cheeks. “Breathe. Keep breathing. You’re safe. I’m right here with you, and we’re safe.”

I take slower, shaky breaths, clinging to Noah’s shirt. Within a minute, my heart settles. Dropping my forehead against Noah’s chest, I rapidly shake my head, accidentally letting a thought-clearing compulsion slip through.

But as a new thought crosses my mind, I perk up. “Wait, he has to be human. Wouldn’t Amy have noticed Steven’s pheromones on me if he was an Alpha Lycan?”

Noah deflates.

Oh, God. By the sinking ache in our bond, I’m terrified of what he’ll say next.

Noah’s forehead ripples. “Not necessarily. I’m honestly impressed you could smell those Alphas. Maybe it’s because you were already tracking my Alpha pheromones, but I didn’t notice them at first because a lot of hunting Alphas use scent-blocking drugs. It’s a common practice.”

My heart ticks into my throat. “What? Why would they need to do that? No, why would they be allowed to? Wouldn’t that help them get away with crimes?”

Noah sighs. “Yeah, but barring all Alphas from their meds would be discriminatory too. It’s available freely for Lycans with overpowering pheromones, just like rut suppressants. A lot of Lycans are hell-bent on not having to rely on human society to survive, and they use scent blockers to hunt for food because, honestly, we reek—just like the pups told me today. So even if those Alphas weren’t actively hunting, I don’t have time to prove they aren’t planning to, and they’ll usually catch a squirrel or something if I try.”

Within a millisecond, my mind creates an exhaustive list of ways power-hungry Alphas could abuse this substance. Prey doesn’t have to be limited to small game. It could look like other Omega Lycans. I’m a small, unprepared animal too.

With my heart hammering faster and faster, I clutch Noah’s sleeve. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“Aliya—”

“Has there really been territory allocation debates from so many extra Rogues?” I cut Noah off. I know I’m giving into my PTSD’s avoidance tactics by changing the subject, but I can’t help it. My mind isn’t in a good place to keep talking about anything else severely triggering today.

Noah sighs, kissing the top of my head. “Yeah, I’ve been really stressed. I don’t know what to do because more and more Rogues are hearing we’re a sanctuary every year, and they’re mostly Omegas since they hear rumors that we’re a sanctuary when most packs have Alphas that treat Omegas like... Well, like shit.”

I bite my lip, closing my eyes. I guess I chose the most triggering question possible.

Noah groans, squeezing me to his chest. “I’m so sorry you had to see that. Fuck, you were so happy, and—”

“No, Noah, I hate that you have to see this too, and that you’re so stressed. How can I help?”

“Just keep your heart and mind safe for me, please. I don’t want you to have to be exposed to more of their bullshit if it becomes too triggering.”

I pull back, meeting Noah’s eyes. “But something in this is triggering for you too, isn’t it? I can feel it.”

Noah can’t hold my gaze, zipping his focus to the trees beside us. He chews on his lip, his forehead knotted. “I-I— I guess so.”

A twinge of his pain stings my heart. I pull Noah closer, craving to soothe him. “Then that’s exactly what I find so admirable about what you’re doing to help others who have been through horrible things too. There’s really no way to avoid all triggers, so I’d rather let them pass through me as they come. In the meantime, I can show up for our pack, just like you do.”

Noah frowns. “You and I both know there’s a point where triggers become too strong that it doesn’t work to power through. I’m not sure that’s healthy or okay to do to yourself.”

“Well I’m still okay, right? I’m not great, but I’m okay.” I stroke his hand, and Noah gives me the biggest puppy dog eyes. “Let me decide what’s safe for me, and I’ll let you know if it’s too much. You can’t do that for me.”

“O-okay, you’re right. Sorry.”

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