Page 74 of My Shy Alpha

I’m so embarrassed that I have to tell Noah about this at all. That it could ruin his peace.

No matter how much I don’t want to, I call Jenny without dwelling further. Might as well get a jump-start on making myself uncomfortable on purpose. Show my disorder who’s the boss.

But when Jenny hears my recount of multiple compulsions I’ve noticed, she has news I don’t want to hear. “How about we start seeing each other twice a week again for a bit? Catch this early, and get you in a better place?”

“I should be fine, though, shouldn’t I? What if I’m just being ridiculous, and I–”

I cut myself off, realizing I’m criticizing myself for needing support and using words like “should” again. It petrifies me.

But Jenny’s voice remains steady. “You’re going to get there, I know it. You can do hard things.”

“I know. I can do hard things.”

I schedule an emergency appointment with Jenny for tomorrow, knowing it’s for my best interest. But as I hang up, I burst into tears on the playground bench.

I hate this. I’m living a nightmare I can’t escape. Why is it always when I’m finally happy that things implode again? I turn my back to the school windows, hoping no co-workers see me upset.

A hint of sadness creeps through our bond. One that’s not coming from my gushing pool of it.

Sweet Omega, where are you?

26

My heart lurches at Noah’s mindlink, threatening to overturn my stomach. If I tell him where I am, Noah will want to comfort me in person, but I’m terrified of putting this on him.

But deep down, I want to let him in. I know I do, and every time I have so far, it’s been worth it.

I decide to mindlink him, but fear grips my chest, strangling my breath.

Come on, future Luna. You can do hard things.

I slow my breath with a steady, whistling exhale. I’m at school.

Noah responds before my next inhale. I can be there in 15 minutes. Is that okay?

I chew my bottom lip, another batch of tears gushing from me. Maybe I don’t have to go through this relapse alone either?

If you can, I’d like that, I mindlink. I need your support right now.

Our bond aches with Noah’s concern, and my anxiety skyrockets. But just before I dissolve into panic, I’m shocked to feel a wave of Noah’s immense relief.

I’d love to support you. Thank you so much for telling me.

I grip the hem of my shirt. Are you sure you have enough time for this?

Sweet Omega, you have no idea what it’s like to hear I can do anything at all to support you, he mindlinks. Maybe you haven’t realized it, but the past few days, you’ve saved me time and time again. I know you think I’m taking on too much by wanting to protect you in return, but it’s actually doing me a favor. I-it makes me feel... like I matter. That I can make a positive difference to the ones I care about most. Which is why the other day, when you held me...

He can’t bear to continue, but his whirring, touched emotions say enough. I’m teary-eyed again.

It sounds like providing emotional security is his love language, so my comfort meant a lot to him. I guess I really shouldn’t worry about bothering him by letting him in.

Okay, Noah. Please, come here.

I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do you have everything you need from work? I can take you straight home, if you’d like.

I swipe my tears away, and my lip quivers through a smile. Not yet. I have to stop crying before going back inside in front of my coworkers.

Then stay right there. We can grab your things after we sit together for a bit.

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