Page 70 of My Shy Alpha

“I feel like I’m doing something horribly wrong. What if this is unhealthy?

“Wait, what’s unhealthy?”

“How I feel about him. I shouldn’t be this attached, especially not this early. It’s a recipe for disaster. But if it doesn’t work out or I back out now, I’ll be so crushed that I’d regret letting him go forever.”

“Aliya, take a deep breath with me, okay?”

I shake my head no. “It’s not going to help.”

“Then what if I told you I felt the exact same way about Kira when we first met? Do you remember my freakout?”

That’s right - Amy wallowed on my apartment floor when they had to spend their first day apart. “Yeah. That was worrisome too, to be honest.”

Amy laughs, nudging me playfully. “You brat. You want to know why it’s so hard?”

“Why?”

“You’re mates, not human partners. This isn’t like any relationship you’ve ever had because nothing else is like it.” She strokes my hand, but I’m not convinced. “Werewolves bond at the soul level. You’ll feel torn apart when you’re not together because you are being torn apart. It’s painful as hell.”

“Oh, God. I’ll feel like this forever? Whenever we separate, even for one night?”

Amy sighs. “You’ll get used to it. Your bond is still fresh, so your instincts will want to nest with him nonstop. Just get through this early stage, then we’ll worry about the next part, okay?”

I exhale, feeling slightly better. “Okay. But you’ll call me out if I’m being irrational and don’t realize it?”

She shrugs. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t.”

“Ha ha. Very funny.” I relax into her passenger’s seat, smiling at how well my best friend knows me - enough to know reassurance only makes my compulsions worsen. Especially since she was there through the worst of them.

Before I can ruminate over how I’ll ever explain my disorder to Noah from the beginning, I close my eyes, finding comfort in my best friend’s hand.

25

After spending days by Noah’s side, I stand in my doorway alone tonight, reeling at how strange it feels to come home to an empty cottage. I thought I’d be used to it from now on, even if I snuggled up with a new partner for a few nights, but the longer I stand in the silence, the more my gut aches, hunching me over.

While Mom was quiet and guarded, she had a playful side that would make Dad laugh his weirdest, most contagious laughs, which I was convinced were the definition of a “guffaw.” Dad was tender with his words, careful to choose what he wanted to say so he could heal your heart in a single sentence. On the worst days, Mom would swoop in during Dad’s sage advice with steady hugs to top it all off - only before watching our favorite comfort movies with a big bowl of popcorn, just the three of us.

Between missing my parents and my newfound mate, I bite back searing tears. Rushing to the bathroom, I bury my head beneath the showerhead before my emotions spill over and reveal too much.

After showering off dirt and wolf slobber, I find a few of Noah’s shirts in the bag he left. My shoulders soften as I smash my face into one of them. God, yes. It all smells like him.

Immersed in his scent from both his shirt and where his head rested on my pillow, I’m soothed enough to sleep. But I still toss and turn all night, aching for Noah.

By the time my alarm goes off at 5 AM, I’m unbearably frustrated. I don’t want to wake Noah by linking him, but I already miss him enough for my wolf to pace frantically in our bond - like she can’t stop searching for him, in fear he’ll never return.

But in my heart, I know I’m scared of more than him “not returning.” I’m scared he’ll return to me as something else entirely, taking off a mask to reveal he’s someone who loves to twist my wildest dreams into my greatest nightmares.

Maybe he will, maybe he won’t. Either way, I’m looking forward to seeing Noah again more than anything. Hopefully this school day will go by quickly, and Noah and I can train my wolf to shift.

But I’m excited to see my kids today too. My hands make deft work of braiding my hair - protecting it from grabby hands - and throwing on breathable clothing I can run around in.

After a quick breakfast, I head out the door with an unsteady heart. I still feel ridiculous for wanting Noah’s attention so badly. Maybe it’s more extreme after being lonely for so long.

An unfamiliar rock catches my eye on my porch, startling me into pausing on the first step. Beneath the rock, there’s a note.

Out of reflex from the past few days, I sniff it. Then I burst out laughing at myself. I really am a wolf.

This totally smells like Noah, though. I try to stifle my overbearing excitement as I unfurl the note.