Page 25 of My Shy Alpha

But my irritation flares again when I see my hands ruining the blankets, all by myself. My eyes water. “I made the bed nice for us. Why are you over there?”

His eyes widen. “I-I didn’t want to mess up your nest. Again.”

With piled blankets encompassing me, that word fits a terrifying amount. “My nest... I... I made a nest.”

As we lock eyes, the meaning of all this pain and frustration becomes clear. I don’t just want Noah to mark me after having wild, heavy sex with me. I want him to get me pregnant. Need him to.

The heat in my core explodes, screaming that I’ve found the answer to relief. At the same time, it sobers me a little from my heat haze.

This is so unfair. I’ve always wanted a baby, and I want Noah more than I’ve wanted anyone. My stare drops to his erection, bulging through his tight black jeans; he wants me too. But even though this is everything I want - a special connection, genuine desire, and someone who wants me back - I’m still scared if I let myself go, opening up my body to him alongside my heart, he could hurt me worse than anyone has.

I cry whether I want to or not, hating the way it makes Noah’s smile fade. Noah cups my cheeks in his hands, his wide eyes dissolving into fear with mine.

I grip his hands back. “I hate how I’m like this! Why can’t I just be normal?”

“W-what do you mean? You’re just in heat. It’s okay to need to nest.”

“I want you so badly, but I’m still so scared. Why can’t I just be okay with having sex with you? I want to have a baby with you...”

Noah’s eyebrows shoot straight up. He pulls back, keeping a safe distance between us. “A baby? No, no, no. This is just the heat talking. We just met, and what you said yesterday makes me think you need to take it slow. You mentioned you wanted to have sex yesterday too, so that’s as far as I’ll allow us to go. But I’m not getting you pregnant today, no matter what you say in heat.”

I warp into heavier tears, and Noah’s face sinks into guilt.

“Fuck. I-I’m sorry, that came out way too harsh–”

“No, I said it all wrong. Having a baby isn’t the problem,” I blubber. “Why am I so messed up?! Why can’t I just move on? I do want to have sex with you. Beyond that, I’ve always wanted to marry a soulmate, and eventually, have a baby. How can we get there someday if I can’t even open up?” I can’t bear to keep looking at Noah’s terrified, wide eyes. “All I can think about is how hurt I’d be if I lost it all. But that’s so infuriating! Why can’t I just live, now that I finally feel safe enough to survive again?”

“Oh, Goddess...” Noah scrambles onto the bed. He squeezes me to his chest, holding strong against my returned chills. “I don’t know what happened to you, but whatever it was, it’s bad enough to overpower a wolf’s heat. That fucking breaks me.” His voice quivers. “I’ve never seen this in my life. Someone or something hurt you, and hurt you badly. I refuse to blame you for that.”

He’s taking me so seriously, shaking with anger like I was inside for years after what my ex did to me. He believes me, and I didn’t even give him details.

“Noah...”

His voice speeds into a frustrated pant. “I’ll never force you into sex or even dating me. I don’t own you. Fuck anyone who made you think that was normal! If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

I gape in awe at his fury, loving anger in a man for the first time. Relief floods my core, but grief for the past also wracks my system as I tug him deeper into my bed. This is how it could’ve been, all along?

Noah’s body is rigid when he first lays down, hesitant as I rub myself over him from head to toe.

My internal filter officially breaks. “After what he did, I didn’t think a partner like you existed in this world.”

Noah lets out the most honest whimper I’ve heard from him yet, rolling me into the tightest hug. I grip his back furiously, gasping through tears.

I didn’t give Noah details, but I did it. I told him something I rarely tell. Pride loosens my breath.

As Noah hugs my head to his chest, his voice comes out hoarse and quiet. “I want to protect you so badly. But I didn’t show up soon enough. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to stop whatever happened.”

I squeeze my eyes shut, a smile breaking through my tears. “You’re here now.”

When I try to meet his eyes again, Noah is too shy to look at first. Then I see why. His teal eyes have turned greener than ever now that they’re lined with red.

He’s crying for me. With me.

My soul splits at the seams, bursting with affection. For the first time since my parents’ deaths and rejecting my abusive ex, my heart fully opens. I want to trust Noah. With my heart, my body, and my mind. Even if it takes me years.

And to start, I want to kiss him. Hard.

Throwing one leg over his hip, I’m surprised by how easily he lets me roll him onto his back to straddle him.

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