Page 85 of The Un-Apparent Heir

Winston sat on the couch across from her with his phone on the table, face down. Neither spoke until he shook his head.

“Lucy, I came here to say I’m sorry and to beg you to come home. More than anything, I want to fix things and move forward. I love you. I do not want to live without you. I vowed to take care of you, and I will do that until the day I die. Please, baby, just come home.”

Lucy took a deep breath. “Tony, I want to come home to you. Every night. I want to wake up with you every day.”

His face softened.

“But not like this. Not with this cloud hanging over us or if it means going back to Scotland. I need to stay here and fuel my sense of self. The children need to see me happy. If I return to you, I will be the woman in the attic and the kids will watch me lose every talent and positive quality I ever had. I was once smart, accomplished, trusted, and appreciated for my capabilities. You used to laud me for that. Do you know how good that felt? And now… how lonely it feels to be none of those things?”

He looked down and shook his head. “I love you, Lucy. I have always said that.”

“When is the last time you paid me a compliment—a genuine one—that wasn’t tied to our children or my maternal capabilities?”

The wheels turned but Winston shrugged. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I cannot remember. That’s fucked, Lulu.”

“I need this, Tony. I need to be here with our friends—our family—and raise our kids with their kids. I long for community again. We grew apart, losing ourselves as we led this life we promised was best. It’s all a farce. It was an experiment, and it didn’t work. I know you don’t want to leave the sanctuary, but… it’s that place or me. I cannot choose Scotland over my mental health.”

Winston took a deep breath. Lucy waited, terrified. If he said no, they were done. Lucy would break the news to Winston they were divorcing and having a baby all at once. Her stomach twisted in knots as she fought the urge to vomit. She thought back to the pregnancy test that sat on the vanity in her bathroom as a reminder of what lay in wait. It horrified her that all this time together—the love they shared—could end while she held new life inside her.

“I was told I could choose my ideal life or you—not both. I was also told I would be daft as a box of rocks if I chose anyone but you, you know?”

“Who told you that?” Lucy asked.

“George,” Winston replied. “Rang me last night and gave me an earful. I was stunned at how he defended you and apologised for all the mistakes he made. He said you had an abandonment complex.”

“I do,” Lucy admitted. “I do and… George did make that worse.”

“Lucy, I never wanted to abandon you or take our children away. I didn’t want to divorce you. The boys want their mother far more than they want me. I cannot live without you. It is painful to think that we did all of this as a team for nothing. I promised to take care of you and it seems like I haven’t been.”

“I wasn’t giving my all, either, Tony.”

He shrugged. “We both could have done better, but Luce… I held the cards and you felt trapped. I am so sorry you ever made decisions based on that—if you did. If you want to leave, I will not fight you for custody. My father was a monster to my mother. I could never do it. Quite frankly, she’d cut me off and I wouldn’t blame her. I will not trap you. I am deeply ashamed that rather than listen to you, I forced you to run down here. I let Natalie put the pieces back together and George and Patrick help raise our baby.”

“They’re pretty great at it,” Lucy said. It was a joke.

Winston chuckled.

“Winston, I need to wake you up, but this wasn’t for attention. I didn’t want to be alive anymore. And if I told you, I worried you’d ignore me or put me in a facility. I didn’t feel safe being alone and I couldn’t just drop the baby off and run. I needed help—help you denied me. If we move forward together, I need you to listen.”

Winston teared up. “Yeah, of course. I promise I will listen. You didn’t… you didn’t want to be alive?”

Lucy shook her head. “No. And some days I still worry that maybe I am more of a bother than a help.”

“Lucy, don’t say that!”

Tears streamed for them both.

“I know my babies need me,” Lucy said. “And that Natalie and George care about me and… I have a place here. But even then, I need you to need me. To want me. To be patient with me. Iona’s birth was traumatising and you had no patience for it.”

“I am ashamed I thought you used it as an excuse to guilt me into giving you attention. And, as I say that, I sound like a fucking knob. Lucy, I should have given you attention because you’re my wife and you’d just given birth to our child. It never dawned on me it could be challenging and that you didn’t just get back to normal. You always have.”

“I have nightmares about it. And it’s about to get worse before it gets better, Winston.”

“How?”

Lucy stood. “Give me a minute.”

She rushed off, up to her guest room, retrieving the test. Lucy returned, sliding the definitive object across the coffee table to Winston.

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