Page 32 of The Un-Apparent Heir

Winston squeezed her hand. “I promised you I would always take care of you. Lucy, that is in life, I am not running off and deserting you. You’re my wife. You’re the love of my life. And you’re Malcolm’s mum. I would never, ever want that for you. I would never leave you like George did. That’s not fair for you to put on me?—”

“Winston, I came into this marriage with nothing but my salary. You understand how nervous it makes me.”

“I am asking you to trust me. That is all, Lucy. Not because I want control or because I’m being selfish. It’s because I can offer you that life. If it makes you more comfortable that I step back, then that’s what you should do.”

Lucy knew he wanted her to do it. And perhaps it was for the best? He’d had this beautiful childhood growing up in Scotland. He’d had a mother who devoted every ounce of herself to her boys. Would Lucy not want to do the same? Selfishly, she wanted to keep working, but this was the golden parachute few women got. He’d given her no reason to not trust him.

“I will think about it,” Lucy said. “Because everything seems like it changed in a flash. But I make no promises.”

“It is your choice,” Winston assured. “I leave it up to you.”

Natalie pulled Lucy into her office around nine AM after she and Ed returned from their impromptu holiday. While her head was clear and she felt a bit better, she dreaded this talk. Natalie debated whether she could tell Lucy the truth, but Ed encouraged her to confide in her closest ally. Lucy could help manage the fray.

Lucy appeared, sitting on the couch. She immediately read Natalie’s tone upon shutting the door. Her body language changed. She shifted in the seat, perfectly crossing her legs at the ankle. Lucy could be so alarmingly proper at times. Her rigidity could surprise even Natalie. It was no wonder she could have been hand-picked for George any day of the week despite her humble beginnings. She was a dead ringer for Natalie’s mother in mannerisms.

“Look, I don’t know how to say it,” Natalie said. “So I will just say it. Ed and I won’t be having a baby.”

“What? Not now, but?—”

“Never, apparently,” Natalie said.

Confusion spread across Lucy’s face.

“Ed and I had three embryos make it to three days. On day four, none survived. We were told our only option was sperm donation, but even then… and it’s not an option… well, they didn’t want to put me through another cycle. I’m sorry I’m not being more tender here. I know you lost your father but… my head is all over the place and?—”

“Stop.” Lucy squeezed Natalie’s hand. “Yes, I lost my father. Yes, it’s all shitty right now, but Natalie… this is awful. I am so, so sorry. What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” Natalie said. She didn’t want to cry. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel tears at all. She must get through this so Lucy could be on Team Support Natalie and Ed. She trusted Lucy.

“Well, whatever it is, Winston and I are always here for you. And your parents will be, too.”

“I know… in reality. Ed is so embarrassed. He doesn’t want to tell his parents the truth. I don’t blame him. And I don’t even know how to begin with mine. The line of succession is again fucked. I was supposed to save it?—”

“Natalie, you can’t help this. What are you supposed to do? Divorce Ed and marry a man you don’t love for the sake of having children? No one would dare ask that.”

“The press will eat me alive, Luce.”

“Fuck the press! And… maybe it’s best to head it off at the pass with a statement.”

“Ed and I discussed that,” Natalie said. “He thinks it’s up to me. He’d rather not, but he also realises if we never say anything, I will spend the next five or so years fielding constant demands about our plans to start a family. The press will question the survivability of our marriage. It will eat us alive. We aren’t ready yet.”

“I respect that.”

“I need you to hold the wall for just a bit longer. Keep the waters at bay. I hate to ask, but I trust you and… we need a few more months to figure it all out. To figure out our next steps. We must grieve. And we just aren’t sure how we will proceed.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not as married people. We’re utterly committed to one another. I wouldn’t want to go on without Ed. It’s not that. He is feeling so dreadful, so guilty. I don’t want him to. No, how to go on as married people desperate for a child, but childless? We need to make ourselves happy and find fulfilment. We need to bring a plan to Dad. Full stop. We need time to do that.”

Lucy nodded. “Okay. I can respect that. Strategy. Setting yourself up for success.”

“Exactly. Thanks for understanding. There is one more thing, though.”

“What? What can I do?”

“I need you to run interference for us with Sanne and Paul. Much as it pains me, watching Sanne grow into a fully pregnant person is killing me. Watching Paul go full-on adoring dad is going to enrage Ed. It’s not that we aren’t happy for them or don’t love them. It pains me to be so selfish, but… we’ll only kill ourselves and make things worse with them.”

“Maybe tell them?”

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