Page 30 of The Un-Apparent Heir

“I am sorry, baby. I am,” Ed said. “I didn’t… I couldn’t cope. I felt like such a failure—still do. I knew you’d need space and there was nothing I could say to you to make it better.”

Natalie turned. “No, I needed you—more than ever. I was stuck here alone. I had no one. Lucy is in America. Sanne is there, too, and I can’t speak with her at all. I… I needed you and you deserted me. I get that you are upset, but this affects me as much as you. And my body is still shot to hell over this, Edwin.”

“I know, baby. I am sorry. I thought you would want space.”

“The thing is… you never fucking asked me.”

She was in tears now. Ed scooted closer, picking up tissues. She dabbed her eyes.

“I love you, Natalie. I didn’t mean to desert you. However, I cannot help but think that you… you’re better off without me.”

“Don’t say that!” Natalie shouted, her voice ringing through the room.

Ed turned off the television. “Sorry, I cannot hear how the NTSB handles a crash right now.”

“Edwin, I love you. I promised you I always would—in front of billions of people. I meant every word I said. So what? We must make some uncomfortable contingency plans. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you—to grow old with you and only you. Do you understand that? My feelings for you haven’t changed. I need you more than ever. And you need me more than ever, darling.”

Ed teared up. “Natalie, I had one job.”

“You have one job. Your job is to love me beyond measure and support me. I have the same job. I didn’t realise not having children meant we couldn’t love one another anymore.”

Ed was now in full-on tears.

“Stop doing this. Whatever this is… you’re pushing me away. I don’t like it, Winslow. We’re a team. You must have my back. I need to know I can trust you. Right now, I cannot do that. I am worried for us. We cannot lose one another in this, Ed.”

He nodded. “I am sorry. You’re right. We must trust one another above all else. But I cannot feel like you would be better off cutting your losses?—”

“Cutting my losses? Ed, I don’t think you get it. I had love before you. I was willing to accept it without children. Yes, I want to be a mother. I am heartbroken. I know you want to be a father so much, but… I have never loved anyone like I do you. I’m with you because I cannot imagine my life without you. And if you go on and break my heart because you think you are sparing me, you couldn’t be more wrong.”

Ed collapsed, holding onto, and burying his head into her shoulder. She held him tight. She let him get it all out. Natalie let him be vulnerable for the first time in a long time. She was his safe place to land. She was right. They needed one another more than ever right? She was the only person who would tolerate him losing his mind like this.

“I just don’t know how to survive this, Natalie. How do we move on?”

“I don’t know, but I know we can. It’s not the life we imagined, but did we ever imagine running into one another and falling deep in love? Did you ever imagine you’d be married to me? I never imagined anything like this, but I also never imagined anyone would love me the way I love you. I didn’t imagine I could ever love anyone so hard or want someone so much.”

Natalie’s words were beyond sweet and everything he needed. It didn’t make up for Ed’s pain, but she told the truth. She let her walls down.

“We need to see a therapist,” she said. “We need a plan for life. And we need time to make it work. I don’t want to rush into this next phase in our life any more than I planned to rush into having a baby. If we’d have nine months to plan for a baby, let’s give ourselves that benefit for planning the life we never imagined.”

“I know you’re serious if you’re willing to see someone, Nat.”

“I am dead serious, darling. Whatever we can do to grieve the life we thought we’d get. The thing is, we can let this ruin us and get us down or we can see the future as open-ended. It is now what we make of it. It is how we imagine it. Let’s give ourselves time to do that.”

“How can you remain positive?”

“Because I trust that the universe knows better than we do. This is ultimately the most pain I have ever felt, Ed. Even becoming the heir… it doesn’t compare. We should open a bottle of wine tonight and get very drunk. Let's drown our sorrows and figure out how to muddle through this until we can move on and make our lives beautiful again. We will figure this out, Edwin.”

“We always do,” Ed said. “I love you so much, Natalie. I need you in my life.”

“Good. We need one another. Let’s always remember that. We’re on the same team with the same mission. And that mission, ultimately, is to keep the family afloat. Without unity, we’ll never make it.”

She was right.

“You know, this is why I’d follow you into battle right?” Ed chuckled.

“I am told I am good at making a speech.”

“You are unbelievable. I know you are hurting and this is you being vulnerable, but… I needed to hear this, baby.”

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