Page 63 of The Un-Apparent Heir

Lucy nodded. He wanted to get her off most of all. In years together, Winston had always delighted in Lucy’s enthusiastic climaxes. And, when he went down on her, he was guaranteed a rousing orgasm. Still, Lucy didn’t want this—not now. She thought it was best they got on with it before she got too self-conscious and lost her nerve.

Winston persisted, playing with her clit. He marvelled as she gasped and moaned happily. It was a long time coming. She felt ready and didn’t want to lose all hope. She was wet enough. He’d be fine to slide on in, right?

“I want you to fuck me,” Lucy said.

“I want to get you off, Luce.”

“Tony, please. I want you. I need you,” Lucy pleaded, thinking this was what she needed and wanted.

He obliged her, gently. Yet, it wasn’t what Lucy expected. It felt off, like all things in her life. Winston tried his best, but between dull pain and a general feeling of not being herself, Lucy was out of it. She attempted to pretend she was enjoying herself, but she wasn’t. She kept hoping it would come together, but it never did.

“Shit, shit,” Winston said.

He came. Well, that was over. He pushed himself back and shook his head.

“I’m sorry. It’s been so long. I… I am sorry, Lucy.”

“It’s okay,” Lucy fought bitter tears.

She wasn’t upset with him, she was upset with her body and its inability to deliver on the basics.

“Lucy, fuck! Are you about to start crying?”

With that, of course, Lucydidcry. No one asking that question would stop someone from crying. His tone was sharp, not soft or loving. She felt judged. She felt derision. She felt resentment. She didn’t feel love. He wasn’t caring for her.

“Lucy, I did what you told me to. You have something going on. You act like I abused you!”

“I never said that, Tony. I wanted it to go well. I needed you to love me. To show me that you want and care for me. I need your love, not this. Whatever this is, it’s not helping.”

“Well, you trapped me!”

“Trapped you? I offered you sex—which you have been desperate for all this time. And I wanted to feel what I used to. I didn’t. My body is?—”

“Your body, your body. All you do is blame the birth. It has been months, Lucy! We’ve never waited so long!”

“Winston, please do not be angry with me. Stop it! My body was destroyed. I thought it would be different. It wasn’t. It just didn’t feel right. Just be patient with me. Be gentle.”

“I thought I was. I was quite gentle. Now, here you are accusing me?—”

Winston left the bed, pulling on his pants in a way that made Lucy feel an inch tall. She was frightened. She cowered. Who was this man? And why was he so angry with her? He stopped talking and shook his head, not finishing his sentence.

“I never accused you of anything. I didn’t say you were rough with me. I meant being gentle with me emotionally. Where is that patience you always had? It’s gone. I miss it. That’s all.”

“I have been more than patient, Lucy. I have been patient for months.”

“Months—not even half a year. I delivered your ten-pound baby without pain relief. She tore me in two. I haven’t been the same since. I am losing my mind here—far from any friends or family. You leave me to go down to the barn or the sanctuary for hours at a time while I manage all three of them. I am exhausted. I feel like you don’t even like me these days, Winston.”

“It’s hard to watch you just… ignore me—not even ask me how I am, Lucy. I confide in other people. And, while I have had chances to do things I shouldn’t, I resisted them. Because, yes, I do love you. Not that you even care at this point.”

“Winston, that isn’t fair. What do you mean?”

“I could have run off and had an affair. I won’t. I know better. I’d not do that to you. You don’t deserve that, even if you’re not interested in me.”

“Winston, I love you very much. I have always wanted to be with you. What do you mean… an affair? What did you do?”

“I did nothing. I turned her down. Something no-strings-attached. It could have been fun or solved one problem but would have created a dozen others. I will stay true to my word, but you must do more, Lucy.”

“More? Winston, I am fucking miserable here! I am losing my mind! Do not dangle an affair in front of me! Who the hell is she?”

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