Page 37 of The Un-Apparent Heir

“We leave here for Balmoral in a week. I figured we would drop in. We will stay up there for a bit. Unless baby number two makes an appearance early. Family comes up in late August for a couple of weeks.

“So, are you going to come back?” Sanne asked. “When the baby comes.”

A sudden pang of jealousy hit. Natalie would visit Lucy when their baby arrived, but not Sanne?

“No, no. We’ll fly down when the baby is here and you’re ready for visitors, Sanne. We don’t want to be an imposition, but we wouldn’t miss it for the world. Promise.”

Sanne relaxed.

“Look, I know things are awkward sometimes. I am grateful for the two of you being there for me and all the grace you’ve given. I hope I can repay it someday. Know that I hate any distance between us, but… it’s been for the best. I think the clouds are parting a bit. And in the future, I will try to make more of an effort. I don’t want you to feel like I will be any less than a doting aunt to your kids, okay?”

“Just tell me if it gets to be too much,” Sanne insisted. “Really.”

“I will,” Natalie agreed. “Now, let’s spoil the dickens out of Baby Inverness, okay?

Ed held Natalie’s hand as they waited to inform her parents of their bad, finite news and their plan to salvage things and cope with a childless existence. After working with a therapist for several months, they settled on a plan to allow them the lives they wanted to live. They had spent much time at Nefoedd, her family’s estate in Wales. It was the place where they rekindled their love for one another years before and it gave them some much-needed headspace.

Things weren’t perfect, but they were better. Ed and Natalie still felt anger and resentment about infertility, but they struggled less with baby talk. They could be around people with children more frequently. Natalie tried to patch things with Lucy and Sanne. It didn’t seem like they held anything against her, but distance remained. Ed felt it, too. Winston was one of his best mates, but he was hard to reach.

Some days, Ed wanted everything to go back to how it was in October when they were still hopeful they could conceive and turn back the clock—to remember the days before the revelation. Instead, they’d struggled. They hadn’t even felt fine celebrating their first wedding anniversary. Things were still raw. So, they agreed to a second honeymoon in Scotland—alone for a few days before the rest of the family made it up.

In some ways, their marriage was more complicated. As their therapist reminded them, the complication wasn’t bad. While it had taken a few months to get back to a normal sort of sex life after months of procreative sex and feelings of loss, things were back to their normal swing. Complicated meant having wonderful days where they could go at it like teenagers without a care in the world and other days when they both felt salty about something out of their control.

The important part was their unity. They had a plan. They were stronger than ever as a couple, but they needed the go-ahead to make that dream a reality. Now, they needed to finally come clean about their struggle.

“So, how have you been?” Robbie asked. “It’s so nice to have you back here.”

“Yes, we keep missing you. It’s nice to see you in Wales, but… we miss seeing you here.”

“Well, we’ve been busy,” Natalie said. “As you know, I was spending time at Valley and?—”

“I was told you were there for various reasons and then found out you were getting in sim hours. Natalie, we have been over this. What on Earth are you doing?” Robbie’s voice was flat-out annoyed.

“Why does everyone squawk at you?”

“Because they all technically report to me. Yes, even you do, Natalie. You may not want to admit it, but you do.”

She rolled her eyes. “I was asked to help. To help, I must maintain my cert. We’ve been over this. I must get sim hours?—”

“Nat,” Ed said. “That’s not what we’re here to discuss.”

He knew that if she and Robbie continued on this topic, they would just argue. Natalie needed sim hours because she needed to train pilots. Robbie knew something was up, but he was confused as to why she would do that. As much as Ed loathed the idea of putting her back into the cockpit of something that went 1000 miles an hour, he knew it made her happy. The RAF needed pilots like Natalie more than ever.

“You’re right,” Natalie said. “So, before you ask the million-dollar question, the answer is no. We are not nor will we ever be pregnant.”

Confusion spread.

“We cannot have children. We tried everything.”

“She almost died from a reaction to fertility drugs. It took about two months for her to be herself,” Ed insisted. “It’s my fault?—”

“No, Winslow.” Natalie shook her head in admonishment. “It is no one’s fault. No one wanted it this way. We tried. For the first time in our lives, we failed at something monumental. Both being the competitors we are, we took it to heart. It took some time to come up for air.”

Robbie looked at Vanna. Ed assumed he might be angry. He tended to react to a panic scenario in anger. He was bad at that. Instead, he lookedsad—bereft, even.

“How long have you known, sweetheart?” Vanna asked, voice was kind, but pinched.

“Since January,” Natalie winced. “We wanted to work with a therapist and figure our shit out. We were both devastated. I don’t think we were ready for this conversation. And, if you haven’t noticed, we’ve been sparse on purpose.”

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