Page 33 of The Un-Apparent Heir

“I don’t think I can. Not now. Maybe in a bit? Either way, we’d like to not do joint appearances for now. I hate to say that I don’t want to be in the same room as Sanne or not be joyful about this niece or nephew. That sounds horrid, but… right now the pain is so deep…”

Lucy nodded. “So, should I minimise situations where you might interact with babies and toddlers across the board?”

Natalie winced.

“Nat, I’m asking because I can do that, not because I am judging you.”

“I would appreciate it. Pregnant people, too.”

Lucy nodded and sat there, looking at her hands. Natalie couldn’t figure it out. She suddenly couldn’t understand Lucy’s almost cool demeanour. She’d expected the same maternal, steadfast Lucy Chandler she’d known for nearly a decade.

“Lucy, what is wrong? Is this about your Dad? Do you need to talk about something?”

“I wasn’t going to. Not now, but… if I lie to you, it will worsen, and I fear I will hurt you. Like, it will hurt like hell and I’m sorry.”

“Nothing you could do could hurt me. You never have. You never would. You are my best friend?—”

“Natalie, I love you. I always will and I will whether I’m near or far. You know that. However, I need to tell you something. This was not the plan. It was not what I wanted. I’m sad about that but hearing that will not help you.”

“What, Luce?”

Lucy’s eyes welled up with tears. “I’m pregnant. It wasn’t planned. I just… I feel terrible. I don’t know how far along I am. Don’t ask. I wanted you to be the first to know, okay? Because if you cannot handle me being around… I will take my leave. I don’t want to hurt you. I would never want that.”

Tears hit. Natalie’s circumstances were hard. The idea of being surrounded by happy pregnant women—especially reluctant ones—was horrible but losing her best friend was worse.

“Natalie, I will wait until you tell me what you want, but I can clean things up, stay out of your way, and leave before I start to show.”

“Leave? Lucy… how can I do this without you?”

“You will and you can,” Lucy insisted.

Natalie cried. “You are the only one who gets me sometimes—apart from Ed. But with girl things, with womanhood and the patriarchal bullshit, who can I go to? And I don’t have Sanne now. I don’t have you. Oh, Lucy, this hurts.”

“I am so sorry it hurts. Trust me when I say it breaks me, too. But I think it is best. Say what you want. I will not be offended.”

“I cannot sack you for being pregnant, Lucy.”

“I would never make you make that choice. I will resign and give a final date of leave. Natalie, I am ready to be there for you always—even if that means we cannot physically be here. I won’t talk about the baby or Malcolm or?—”

“That’s so unfair, Lucy! I cannot ask you not to talk about your baby. Malcolm is my godson. He’s precious to Ed and I. I’m a monster, aren’t I? For even considering it?”

“You aren’t a monster. You just experienced a great loss—a heartache. This is so hard. I would not want to add to your pain. Trust me, I do not even know what I am going to do. I mean, I’m having the baby, of course. I will be happier when I’m less stunned and adjusted to the idea. I am not even letting Winston talk about it right now. I’ve told him I need time. So, if I need time to grieve the loss of all this normalcy, my job, all of that…”

“Lucy, it’s so unfair.”

“Life is fucking unfair, yes,” Lucy said, through tears. “I am sorry, sweetie but my gut—as your best friend—is that this is what I must do. Call me always. Anytime. I will always show up for you. You know that.”

Natalie nodded.

“I need a moment to adjust. You must give me time.”

“I will. And I’m not… I will come back around. I will be back here for you. I promise you.”

Lucy nodded. “I know. And I hope someday you can be around Malcolm and this new baby without pain—as well as Sanne and Paul’s. I am sure you will. You love your family but must protect your heart right now. You lost the life you thought you had. Much like when you came into this job… you gotta find yourself—yourselves—together. I don’t want to distract from that. I will take your cues. I’m always here. I’m not leaving your side, Natalie, but we need to hire a new person to take over.”

Natalie nodded. Everything hurt and felt wrong. She couldn’t stop crying. Lucy held her, rubbing Natalie’s back. It would all work in the end. Natalie was unconvinced she could do it without Lucy but couldn't survive Lucy's pregnancy. Her friend was right. It would be infinitely more painful if she stayed on. They would both suffer. It was better to hire another buffer whom Lucy approved of and who would keep things safe.

“Winston, where are you?” Lucy sobbed into her office phone uncontrollably.

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