Page 88 of Craving Chaos

I take a slow step forward. Conner’s hand locks around my wrist to keep me in place, but I shoot him a look that demands he trust me. When he reluctantly lets go, I continue with carefully measured steps toward Mari. We watch one another intently. I look for signs she may lash out, while she makes sure to keep Noemi between us.

“That’s how this started, but it’s not the whole story, is it?” I ask gently.

Tears run down her cheeks. The way her head lists longingly to the side when she looks at me makes my heart ache for her. She’s so much more damaged than I ever realized. I thought of her as feminine and dainty when the reality is, Mari is a fragile glass flower wrought with cracks.

“I was just supposed to use you,” she whispers. “But then … you had to go and make me fall for you. You were different from your family. I told myself you were innocent of any of it. I tried so hard to be exactly what you wanted so that you’d want me back, but you didn’t.” Her face twists with disgust. “You wore the necklace that man gave you when you were only with him for a week, yet after all the time we’ve spent together, I still mean nothing to you.”

Her eyes drop to my neck where the pendant still rests. I’m not even sure why I’m still wearing it after all I’ve been through with Renzo except that I’ve had too many other things on my mind.

I take the necklace in my fist and yank it free from my neck, breaking the chain. “This was a gift, but it doesn’t hold the significance you may think. Not anymore.” I let the object fall to the gritty rooftop surface. I can’t tell her I love her, but I can reassure her that she’s wrong if she thinks I loved Devlin.

“Maybe not, but only because he left you. I was there for you. I protected you. No matter how much I wanted your cousin dead, I didn’t kill him because I didn’t want to hurt you like that. Passing information about your family to my uncle was my gift to you. A way to punish them without hurting you.” Her eyes fill with more tears. “You were never supposed to be involved. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Things don’t always work out how we plan. I get that.”

“All I wanted was for you to want me,” she whispers. “When I came by your place after everything got fouled up, I’d wanted to be near you. To find some shred of evidence that you felt for me what I felt for you.” The words are thin and raspy, forced past a throat tight with emotion. She’s drowning in pain, and I almost feel bad until I watch every ounce of that emotional storm evaporate like spring rain on a hot city street. The change turns my stomach because the person standing before me now is almost unrecognizable with such hatred in her gaze.

“There was nothing. Not a single memento of me anywhere in your apartment. I started to accept that it was best you were gone, but then suddenly you were back. I was so relieved you were alive, all my hope reignited. Then days later, I faced devastation when you broke things off and took it all away, only to call and pretend you wanted me back. You were toying with me like a cat with a string.” Her voice is thin, almost distant, as though stuck in the nightmare of her emotions. “You made me think maybe we actually had a chance, but that was never the case, was it? I felt so fucking bad about what happened that I even understood why you broke things off. I’d been ready to forgive you for pushing me away, but when I saw that my passport was gone, I knew every minute of it had been a lie. All you wanted was information. That’s when I knew it was really over. All of it. And if I was ever going to get justice, I needed to act.”

I want to find a way to talk her down, but she’s past that. The pain of her past has warped her mind such that logic and reason no longer resonate. No amount of negotiating will talk her down from this ledge. She’s going to hurt the people I love if I don’t stop her. I can sense it with every fiber of my being, and it breaks my heart.

“I’m so sorry, Mari. For everything.”

Her eyes fill with rage, and her lip peels back in a vicious snarl. “No, you don’t get to be sorry!” she screams.

But I don’t engage her. This conversation is over.

I raise my right arm—the signal Renzo’s been watching for. Not two seconds later, there’s a thwack sound, and Mari crashes to the ground, the soundwave of a gunshot following close after.

Conner and Noemi fly at one another. Relief sucks the air from my lungs, making my head spin.

I look in the direction of the neighboring rooftop as Renzo rises to his feet. Right where I knew he’d be, which is why I’d needed to walk toward Mari and have our conversation. I’d needed to be certain she couldn’t be saved but also ensure his man had a clean shot. She did exactly as I’d hoped and aligned herself with his sights so Noemi wasn’t at risk.

I kiss my fingertips and send him my love and gratitude. His right hand lifts to his chest, coming to rest over his heart. It dawns on me that without Mari, I wouldn’t have Renzo. In that one regard, I owe her a debt of gratitude. And besides that, we were inadvertently responsible for her brother’s death and her mental collapse. She was a casualty of a world she was too fragile to inhabit. As much as I wanted to hate her when I learned the truth, I can only summon pity now.

“We need to make sure she’s buried next to her brother,” I say to Conner when I walk back to him and Noemi.

“It’s safer to have the cleaners come and make her disappear.”

“I know, but it would mean a lot to me if we could find a way for her to be reunited with him.”

He studies me, then nods. “Let’s get out of here.”

Noemi leaves her husband’s side and envelops me in a crushing hug. “Thank you, Shae. You were absolutely incredible.” When she pulls back, pride and respect shine through puffy red eyes.

“I second that,” Conner says softly from behind her. “I owe you, Shae.”

“Rest assured, I won’t let you forget it.” I manage to keep a perfectly straight face. Just barely.

A lazy grin creeps across his face until even his eyes are smiling. “Wouldn’t be our Shae if you did.”

“Damn straight. Now let’s get out of here. I’m exhausted.”

CHAPTER 53

RENZO

It takes what feels like forever for the three of them to reach the street. I know Shae is fine, but I can’t stop my skin from crawling with the need to be near her. To have her safely within reach.

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