Page 65 of Craving Chaos

It also tells me I’ve been an absolute jackass because I’d inadvertently put Shae in the position to make this same sort of decision without the slightest bit of empathy for what she was facing. My refusal to recognize the complexity of the matter hoisted an enormous burden on her shoulders. I know the weight of it because I’m testing its load as I sit and contemplate what it would be like to step down as boss so that I can be with Shae.

I was raised for the role. It’s all I’ve worked toward, and I know despite the challenges, I’ll lead the family with intelligence and honor. Would I be willing to give that up for the chance at love?

I would have to be certain of my choice and the lack of other plausible options.

I wouldn’t want to harbor resentment toward Shae for my own choices, so I won’t rush into a decision. I’ll take whatever time I need until I’m confident in my path. Until I’m certain my actions won’t hurt her again.

With that, I pull back the covers and am about to toss my towel to the floor when a knock sounds at my door.

Shae.

I’m on my feet in a flash, then open the door so quickly she takes a shocked step backward.

“Oh, hey … um … I forgot to bring this back to you.” She hands me the phone, but her eyes have trouble finding mine. I don’t rush her. I’m too busy lapping up the feel of her gaze raking over me.

She’s wrapped in the duvet from her room with only her head peeking out like a little rabbit popping up from a snowbank. She looks so damn innocent and pure. Almost angelic. I think of the wars men have fought in the name of heaven, and now I know why. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for the woman in front of me.

“Thanks. You have everything you need? I scheduled housekeeping to grab our clothes in the morning to be washed.”

“Oh, that’s good. I was thinking of calling as well.”

“Yeah, we should have grabbed clothes,” I admit, clearly stalling. “Anything else you need until then?”

“No, no. I think I’m good. I’ll probably sleep for ages. I’m tired enough.”

“Same, yeah.”

“Okay, well. I guess I’ll get to it.” She flashes a thin smile, her gaze snagging one last sweep of my chest.

“Sleep well, Shae,” I say gently.

She peers over her shoulder and nods before scurrying back to her room.

I may not have her in my arms when I sleep, but seeing her one more time before bed eases some of the tension in my chest. I toss my towel aside and turn out the light.

The next thing I know, housekeeping knocks on the door, and I have fifteen missed texts and six missed calls. Looks like Gino passed my number down the family phone tree because half of the Moretti organization has reached out to me. There are also several messages for Shae, which I greedily use as an excuse to see her.

I arrange for breakfast to be brought to our rooms while Shae returns her messages, then set about returning my own calls. Our laundered clothes are brought up midday, not long before my uncle informs me that a private jet will arrive at a local landing strip to pick us up. It’s time to go home.

The hotel manager gets ahold of good ole Jean for us, and we’re whisked away in our silver Dodge chariot for our much-anticipated return. Little is said on the way. I spend the entire twenty-minute drive debating whether Shae’s silence is a good thing or a bad thing. Or not a thing at all. It’s natural to be introspective in a time like this, regardless of the conflict between us. Yet I can’t escape the feeling that it’s related to me. Guess that’s no surprise when I’ve already shown how self-centered I can be.

The plane is already on the ground when we arrive, though it’s yet to shut off its engines. I have to laugh when the door opens and Noemi’s head pops out. She’s grinning like a clown and trying to wave while her husband Conner attempts to shove her back inside. He takes good care of my little cousin. I respect the hell out of that.

I’m not at all surprised to see her because not only is she my family, but she’s become good friends with Shae, who is Conner’s cousin. If Shae and I were to get married, I’m not entirely sure which side of the church Noemi would occupy—the bride’s or the groom’s. She’s deeply entrenched in both our families.

Conner finally gets his wife to relent once we return her wave from the tarmac. She stays behind while Conner and my uncle Gino join us.

“A part of me still expected this whole thing to be a sick hoax or a trap,” Gino calls out as he approaches, weary relief creasing the corners of his eyes more than normal. He wraps me in a bear hug—a term that now has a totally new meaning to me—then Conner grips my hand in a hearty shake.

“Damn good to see you,” he offers, but his attention is drawn to the grinning woman behind me. Shae pushes past me and flings herself at Conner. He tosses his head back on a laugh and gives her a spin.

“Shit, little cousin. You gave us a scare.”

“I will definitely do my best not to do it again. Once in a lifetime was enough.” As she pulls away, our stares snag on one another.

I tell her with my eyes that it will never be enough.

I know she gets my message from the pink darkening in her cheeks.

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