Page 95 of For Fox Sake

“Of course not.”

She snaps her fingers. “I’ve got it. What if I forgive you? Right here, right now.”

“But this is my dream. Wouldn’t that be the same as me forgiving myself?”

“Is there really a difference?”

I am so confused. “I don’t know.”

“You have to surrender.”

I don’t understand. “To what?”

She lifts a hand. “Everything. Let go of the guilt, so you can hold on to the memories. The good things. I want you to keep those close and release the dark things that no longer matter.”

“How? It’s so hard.”

“You just have to choose to do it, every day, decide to let it go until it becomes second nature.”

This sounds familiar. “One day at a time.”

Her eyes lock with mine. “It won’t be perfect. You’ll fail, sometimes. It’s all right. It took you twelve years to walk into the forest. It’s going to take some time and effort to walk out.”

My body aches. The room dims, then brightens again. “How do you just surrender and release it? I can’t. If I drop that rope, I’m dropping you along with it.”

“The opposite is true.”

My vision goes hazy. My heart is a drumbeat in my ears, my head throbbing. “I don’t know if I can let go of the guilt. You were just a child.”

“Jake.” She reaches over, shaking my shoulder. “You were just a child too. Remember?” She points between the two of us. “Twins.”

The room is getting darker again, her face blurring in front of me. “Don’t go.”

“I’m always here, Jake. I never went anywhere.” Her voice is fading. “Forgive yourself. Think of all the good we had. Jake, remember me.”

The room disappears in a blink.

I open my eyes.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Ryan

I’m so sick of hospitals.

But I’m also not leaving until Jake wakes up.

“Anything yet?” Finley whispers from the doorway, her face stark, eyes shadowed with fatigue. She steps into the room, her gaze roving over Jake, asleep in his bed, and then moving to Ari, passed out in a cot next to him.

“Not yet. Hopefully soon.”

The doctor told us yesterday he should be waking up at any minute.

I rub my thumb over his hand.

“Did you want to sit with him?” I shift in the chair, ready to stand.

“No. It’s fine.” Her brows crease. “Have you slept at all?”

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