Page 89 of For Fox Sake

I clutch at him. I don’t want this, whatever it is, to be over.

How can I leave? But how can I stay?

Chapter Twenty-Two

Ryan

“Don’t move back to New York for Jake. Move for you. Jake is just, like, a perk.”

I rest my elbows on the cluttered desk, holding my face in my hands. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

Bernie taps on her keyboard. “No. I want you to be happy. Even if it’s not with me.”

“I am happy,” I grumble.

She snorts. “Yeah. You sound ecstatic.”

I came by the hospital to settle the rest of Mom’s accounts and dropped by Bernie’s office in the basement to say hi.

I’m now regretting that decision.

Bernie picks up her pen, tapping it on a notepad in front of her. “What does Ari think?”

I groan and rub my face. “She refuses to unpack from our trip.” We’ve been back home for two weeks now. “If I told her I was even thinking about moving anywhere near Whitby, she’d start walking and meet me there.”

Jake and I have been chatting and texting throughout the day, every day, and then we do a video call with Ari every night.

It’s not enough.

It’s almost worse, seeing him, talking to him, and not touching him.

But I can’t move across the country for a man.

“Here.” Bernie clicks around and the printer behind me buzzes to life. She points to it. “Grab that.”

I sigh but comply. “What is this?” My eyes scan down the page.

“A list of nursing programs within two hours of Whitby, along with each school’s requirements and due dates for applications.”

The words blur in front of my eyes.

“Not to pressure you or anything, but some of them start interviews in August for spring admission, so the apps are due real soon.”

I blink to clear my vision. “I don’t even... how can I?”

“How can you not?”

What if they don’t accept me? What if they do? How can I afford it? I would need a job and a place to live. I would have to move my whole life, and Ari’s, thousands of miles.

I’ve done it before, but I didn’t have a child then.

“I could come visit you. I love New York. Just think about it.”

I blow out a breath. “Ugh.”

“You miss all the shots you don’t take.”

I roll my eyes, an exaggerated motion.

---