Page 56 of For Fox Sake

“True.” Her eyes soften and she leans into me. “It’s still not fair to you, Jacob. You were with him all the time, taking care of him. He should have told you, even if it was hard.”

Heat fills my eyes.

I don’t know what it is about Finley. It’s like things don’t hit me until she’s a part of it.

Like when I was six and I fell off the jungle gym at school and got the wind knocked out of me. It was terrifying, but I was so proud of getting up on my own and not crying. Then Finley came over from the high school on her lunch break. As soon as I saw her walking across the grass, I started sobbing like an infant.

I swallow. “Finley, I’m so sorry.”

She whacks me on the arm again. “Good. Maybe you’ll think twice about taking off like that again.”

I scrub a hand through my hair. “It’s not just for that. I am sorry I left like I did. I’m also sorry about all the years of drinking and behaving like a jackass and taking advantage of your kindness. I’m sorry for all of it.” I’m sorry about what happened twelve years ago, for the part I played in the loss of our sister, but I’m not going there. “For everything I’ve done, or not done, all of it, really.”

She throws her arms around my neck. “Oh, Jake. I know. I know if you could change the past, you would. But we can’t. We’re here now though, and even though I’m still very pissed at you, I’m also really proud of you. You don’t need to apologize, because there is nothing to forgive. We’ve all been affected by the past. We’ve all made mistakes. We can’t change those things, but we can move forward together and try to be better. That’s all it’s really about, right?”

Right.

I have to try and be better for Ryan. I have to find a way to make it up to her. Not because I want forgiveness, although I do, but it isn’t about me.

She pulls back, patting my shoulder. “The mystery is solved. Now you can come home.”

“Yeah. I can.”

There’s no reason for me to stay.

Her eyes narrow at me. “You want to stay, don’t you?”

Having siblings who can read your mind is both a blessing and a curse.

She speaks into my silence, answering an unspoken question. “It’s because of Ryan.”

I nod. “And Ari.”

She shifts on the couch, angling her legs toward me. “You know, whatever you decide, we’ll support you. And if you leave, I’ll call daily and visit at least twice a month.”

I chuckle.

“Maybe once a month.”

The thought of never seeing Ryan or Ari again is like a knife to the chest. What if she doesn’t forgive me? I wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted anything to do with me ever again.

“Ryan hates me.”

“Like you’ve ever let a little thing like pure, undiluted hate stop you before. Remember when Piper got her first cell phone and you kept leaving notes on people’s cars that said sorry for hitting your car along with her number, except no one had actually hit the car and there was zero damage, so she was getting a million calls a day? And you were only ten.”

I laugh. “She was so pissed.”

“Yeah, but she forgave you.”

“After I groveled, agreed to admit all culpability on her voicemail for anyone who called, and did her chores for a month.”

“You are stubborn and loving and a good person. Good people can make bad decisions. You’ll win her over.”

“I hope you’re right.”

We talk for a couple of hours. Finley catches me up on what’s been happening at home with the camp, Archer, wedding plans, Taylor’s trip to Greece with Atticus, Mindy’s tour schedule, all of it.

I convince Finley to sleep in the bed for the night, and I take the couch.

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