Page 46 of For Fox Sake

That’s why they named her Aria. Mia knew the name of the teenage girl whose death saved her life.

Ari. Aria. Shit. If Aria hadn’t been in the accident... fuck.

* * *

“The address labels were printed, and there was no return address because the transplant center would ship the letters back and forth between them.”

I pace back and forth in the front room of the rental, my phone pressed to my ear. Dwayne texted me back a couple hours ago, letting me know he had more info and I’ve been crawling out of my skin to get off work and get home to have this exact conversation.

“Why didn’t they exchange the letters directly?”

“Because Ryan was a minor at the time. With adults, they will allow direct communication after going through a consent process. Donor recipients send thank-you notes all the time, but because Ryan was under eighteen and it was ongoing, they needed a go-between to ensure privacy and that’s why they used first names only and didn’t disclose addresses on either side.”

I rub my jawline, exhausted from... everything. I stop pacing and look out the front window.

Ryan’s little Honda isn’t there. She must be taking Ari to her friend’s house for the sleepover. She only lives a few blocks away. She should be back soon for our date.

“Thank you. For everything.”

“If you think of any other questions I can answer, you know how to reach me.”

We hang up right as Ryan pulls in front of her house.

I glance at the clock. I have about an hour to get ready.

Guilt hammers me from all sides.

For lying to Ryan. For all the times I wished Aria were still here. Because if Aria were still here, Ari might not be. Life is so bizarre. So many choices piling together, leading to inevitable outcomes. Like the butterfly effect.

What-if scenarios crowd my brain. What if Aria hadn’t died? Would Ari still exist? Would I be here now? Would I have met Ryan at all? Not likely. These thoughts are pointless. I am here now.

After Aria died, the scant minutes here and there when I wasn’t numb with shock, my thoughts constantly hummed around what I could have done differently. If only I had convinced Aria to not go to the party. If only we had waited for Taylor to drive us home. If only, if only, if only. But I can’t go back and change anything. Maybe it’s true, if I had done something differently that night, the outcome would have been different. But I didn’t. And it wasn’t. And here we are.

Grief is love with nowhere to go... but now it has somewhere to go. Maybe. Do I deserve it?

Fifty minutes later, I’m crossing the street, mind racing. This is it. This is an opportunity to tell her the truth. And... completely ruin her evening.

But it needs to be done. There will be no good time to do this. I have to tell her tonight. Ari won’t be there, and we’ll be alone so she can yell and scream or kick my ass if she wants to.

I knock on the door and check for the eleventh time that I’ve buttoned my shirt up correctly.

The door swings open.

My mouth goes dry.

I’ve seen Ryan dressed casually, jeans and T-shirt, in her work clothes, stuff that can get dirty, and relaxing clothes like sweats and leggings.

My eyes dip down and back up. She’s wearing dark jeans, a silky black top that slips off one shoulder. Her hair is down and slightly curled, her lips are shiny, and she’s in heels.

Fuck.

She’s a stunner when we’re sitting on the couch with Ari and she’s fresh-faced with her hair pulled back and a tomato sauce stain on her shirt. But this...

“You’re fucking gorgeous.”

Her smile lights up the whole night. It reaches into my chest and grabs my heart and squeezes.

And by the end of the night, she’s going to hate me.

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