Page 39 of For Fox Sake

I launch into stories about the pranks we played on each other, like setting Mindy’s alarm to go off at three a.m. on the weekend, filling a Ziploc bag with red Jell-O and poking holes it in and stuffing it into Taylor’s pillowcase, putting pebbles in each other’s shoes—one time someone put maple syrup in mine.

“Our dad though, he was the ultimate prankster. His pranks went on for months, sometimes years.” I chuckle.

“Where is your dad now?”

“He’s...” What do you say to a kid when someone’s dead? “He’s in heaven.”

Her eyes brighten. “My mommy is there too. Maybe they can play pranks on each other.”

My throat grows hot and tight. I cough.

“I don’t have a dad, but my friend Sophia has a dad. You kind of look like him, with your hair and your face.” She motions to her chin. “Do you want to be a daddy?”

I rub the stubble along my jawline. “I uh, never really thought about it, but yeah. I would love to have kids, eventually.”

It wasn’t until the camp opened that I had much of an opportunity to interact with kids closely. But they’re great. Funny, silly, brutally honest while also somehow managing to be complete liars, often frustrating, but at the end of the day ultimately pretty awesome.

“You need to find yourself a good woman.”

A laugh bursts from my chest. “I guess you’re right. You know where I can find one?”

“Did you save me any hot dogs?” Ryan steps through the back door. The strain that had marked her features a half hour ago is gone. Her hair is pulled back. She’s changed into black leggings and a tank top, exposing the delicate curve of her collarbone and neck.

I swallow hard and avert my eyes, focusing on Ari as she flies up from the chair.

She races over to Ryan, wrapping her arms around her legs. “We have a lot of hot dogs left. Can I cook yours?”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way. Best chef I know.” She leans over and kisses the top of her head.

Ari beams up at her. “Jake said we can go to his camp and stay the night and sleep in bunk beds and eat messy.”

“Messy?” Ryan lifts a brow at me.

“In the mess hall,” I clarify.

“Ah.” She eyes me. “Nice cape.”

Ari found a pink bed sheet for me to use, which I tied around my neck.

“You need a cape too, Momma. Cavemen roast meat and wear capes.”

I bite my lip to keep my mouth in a serious line. “It’s sort of the law.”

Ryan chuckles. “Well, then let’s go find me one before I break any laws.”

They disappear inside.

My chest throbs. Not with the normal ache I’ve lived with over the past twelve years, but with something else entirely, something I don’t want to probe too closely because I’m not staying and I’m not being completely honest with Ryan, or myself.

When they return, Ryan has a lavender sheet wrapped around her neck.

I hand Ari the long fork with the hot dog already speared on it so she can roast it for Ryan.

They start chatting about what movie to watch before bedtime. They normally watch Bluey, but Ari wants something less “babyish” now that she’s all of six years old.

I half listen while inside, I’m at war with myself. I have to tell Ryan the truth. I have no idea how I’m going to tell Ryan the truth.

“What about Adventure Time?” Ryan asks.

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