Page 5 of Caffeine & Chaos

“Tell me about your last romantic encounter.” Dr. Blakely leaned back in his over-stuffed wing-back chair, earning a squeak from the leather material. Nadia studied him; he was likely quite handsome in his day, actually he wasn’t half bad now. He had a bit of a George Clooney thing going on, except he wore glasses, and his face was longer. He looked at her with his dark eyebrows pinched together, waiting for her to respond. He had his clipboard over his crossed leg and his pen at the ready.

Nadia smiled at him and slouched over the arm rest of the couch. “Romantic encounter? Romance is dead doc, haven’t you heard? No one has romantic encounters anymore.”

“Oh? Is that the way you see it?” He was already writing something.

“It’s the way my generation sees it. Dating exclusively is practically pre-historic. It’s the age of the hookup, Dr. Blakely.” Nadia batted her eyes at him and laughed softly as his pen flew across the page. What were they always writing?

Nadia had been in therapy since her teenage years, a remedy imposed by her mother’s response to her rebellious behavior. Of course, instead of offering the affection Nadia craved, her mother opted for therapy. Nadia didn’t see the point in it then, or now. She felt no pressing need to continue, but according to Valentina, therapy was a privilege reserved for the affluent. Nadia persisted solely because Valentina footed the bill, and it seemed to help keep her off Nadia’s back.

“Okay, the man you last hooked up with, tell me about him.” He folded his hands on top of each other and gave her the same thoughtful look that all therapists seem to have mastered.

“Hmmm... He was blonde, early twenties, smoking hot, and a lot of fun.” Nadia puzzled at her own description of her night with Travis. Were those words accurate?

“What attracted you to him?” Dr. Blakely asked, underlining something on the page.

Nadia chuckled again, “I feel like I just covered that. He was good looking.” Maybe a man in his mid-fifties couldn’t grasp the fact that she didn’t need to be hoping for marriage to go to bed with a man.

“You spent the night with him, what was he like?”

“You mean in bed? I’m not sure I see where you’re headed with this. Why do you need to know that?” She wasn’t really trying to avoid answering, she was sure the details would make Dr. Blakely blush and that might be amusing to see, but talking about Travis wasn’t helping to squelch her feelings of guilt.

“I meant as a person, Nadia. What was he like as a person?”

Nadia stood up and walked over to the window. “How would I know? We didn’t exactly talk while we were together.” Shrugging her shoulders and wringing her hands, she continued “He was nice, I guess. He seemed friendly, I left before he woke up.” Nadia wasn’t sure why she felt so uncomfortable or why she was lying about knowing anything about Travis.

“Why did you feel like you had to leave before he woke up?” His pen was back in his hand and flying across the page.

Nadia sighed and clenched her fists at her side, he really didn’t get it. “Obviously you’ve never had a one-night stand before. It gets weird in the light of day. It’s uncomfortable and awkward in the morning.” Especially when the person was as sweet and seemingly innocent as Travis, Nadia thought.

“I see. There is something I don’t understand though, if this is the age of hooking up and everyone is cool with it, why should it feel so awkward in the morning? Wouldn’t the unwritten rules about how it works extend to that time as well?” His head was tilted to the side, a familiar gesture that Nadia recognized all too well. It was the unmistakable look therapists wore when they believed they had posed a question poised to unlock a breakthrough.

Nadia exhaled loudly and walked back over to the couch. “I don’t know why it’s awkward, it just is.” She flopped down and changed the subject. “Dr. Blakely, I would really prefer to talk about my mother in these sessions, I mean don’t you think that would be time well spent? I moved clear across the country just to get some breathing room from her.”

Dr. Blakely took his glasses off and placed them on top of his clipboard. He rubbed his brow pensively for a moment, and then looked up at her. “We will certainly talk about your mother, but I do believe that there are more pressing issues to explore first. I believe those issues relate to your upbringing, absolutely, but we can’t go there until you’re able to come to terms with some things.” Nadia rolled her eyes at him. “I’ll be frank. You have commitment and emotional intimacy issues, which are leading you to engage in damaging behaviours.”

“Dr. Blakely, I don’t mean to be rude, but I think maybe you are stuck with some archaic views about relationships. I am fine with my sex life, really. Perhaps it would be wise for you to refer me to another therapist.” She didn’t know why she bothered; they were all the same.

“Nadia, how long do you want to keep dodging these problems? I am the third therapist you’ve been through in 6 months. You have to be willing to open up if we’re going to make any progress.”

Mercifully, Dr. Blakely’s intercom buzzed. His next patient was in the waiting area.

She rose quickly and pulled her purse over her shoulder and made her way to the door. “Thank-you Dr. Blakely, I’ll consider what you said. I won’t be able to keep next week’s appointment, but I’ll call to reschedule,” she lied.

Dr. Blakely nodded and murmured “I’ll see you after next week then,” returning to his pad of paper and writing again.

Nadia left his office feeling off balance. This wasn’t the first time she’d heard this. She was always able to dismiss it in the past, but something about today’s session rang true. Her anxiety about her feelings when it came to Ryan made her question herself. The guilt she was still trying to deny she had about Travis wasn’t helping. Maybe she would actually re-schedule that appointment.

Nadia checked her phone as she left Dr. Blakely’s office. It was nine-thirty. She hustled down the steps into the subway tunnel. The Metro to downtown would be leaving in five minutes and she needed to be on it. If she punched in late again there would be hell to pay.

3

Her.

“He’s here.” Mandy poked her head inside the walk-in cooler. Ryan had just walked into the cafe and was waiting in line. “Are you gonna come out?”

It had been three days since they had shared that dance together. Nadia’s heart was already pounding in her ears. She had to face him. She had to show him he hadn’t rattled her. Basically, she had to put on the best performance of her life.

“You bet I am.” Nadia replied. Just as soon as she got that full body tremor under control.

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