Page 64 of Caffeine & Chaos

17

Her.

The rhythmic pounding of her sneakers against the pavement echoed through the mostly empty streets downtown as Nadia jogged, lost in her own thoughts. The early morning sun cast a golden glow against the glass of the high rises, but her mind was far from the familiar surroundings that had given her so much comfort the day before.

Since her romance with Ryan had blossomed, her life had taken on a whirlwind of change. It was true that she adored him, his easy demeanor, gorgeous smile, and subtle sense of humour brought light into her days like she had never imagined. Yet, the turmoil of the last week, and his silence the last two days, had brought such a dizzying rush of emotions, that doubt loomed like an elephant in the room.

As she jogged, her thoughts turned inward, grappling with the uncertainty that gnawed at her heart. At the beginning she was terrified of losing her independence, her freedom to live life on her own terms. The idea of committing to a relationship, of surrendering a piece of herself to someone else, filled her with a sense of unease she thought she would never shake. Now with Ryan apparently distancing himself from her, she felt like she would give him a kidney if it meant he would text her back.

Why was he being so distant? Was he just going to drop her like she was nothing? Had he re-kindled his flame with Melanie and already moved on from her? The questions swirled in her mind, leaving her feeling empty except for the fear in her soul.

Her phone buzzed against her tricep in the jogging band she wore around her arm. This time, her heart didn’t leap as it had so many times before. It probably wasn’t him anyways.

Nadia stopped to lean against a streetlight and catch her breath. She’d been out of her usual routine the last couple of weeks, and it showed. She felt far more fatigued than normal, likely from the sleep deprivation she was experiencing from her nights on Mandy’s lumpy couch. At least that was the story she was telling herself.

She pulled her phone from the strap and glanced at it uninterestedly, afraid to get her hopes up again. It was Mandy. She had tried to dissuade Nadia from rising so early to go for a jog, but her attempts had been unsuccessful. Jogging in the early hours of the day was part of her routine. A routine she had built over the years, and getting up today signaled a return to the life she loved in Miami before Ryan. Hopefully she could love it again afterward if it came to that.

Just as she was about to read the text, Nadia caught a glimpse of a slow-rolling black Mercedes turning up a parallel street. Armand! She turned around abruptly, looking for further signs of the security detail Ryan said he would assign. There were the usual suspects out in the early hours of the morning; an old woman sweeping off the sidewalk in front of her smoke shop, and a breakfast burrito vendor setting up shop for the day. A lone man, a block behind her, walking a Jack Russell Terrier, stood out. He was lingering, avoiding catching up to her.

Nadia turned on her heel and ran full tilt towards him, determined to interrogate him regarding Ryan’s whereabouts and lack of communication. As she bounded toward him his inscrutable gaze and unyielding demeanor confirmed her suspicions.

“Nadia,” he greeted her, catching her off guard with his smooth and unassuming tone, “I trust you’re well?”

Nadia’s frustration simmered beneath the surface, threatening to boil over. “Cut the small talk,” she snapped, her voice edged with restraint. “I know you’ve been following me.”

The guard remained unfazed, his calm demeanor a stark contrast to Nadia’s rising ire. “I’m simply doing my job, Nadia. Mr. McKellen’s orders.”

Nadia gritted her teeth, her patience wearing thin. “And where is he, huh? He cares so much he has his goons following me around, but won’t answer my texts?”

The man’s response was as evasive as ever. “Mr. McKellen is attending to important matters, Nadia. He’ll be in touch when he can.”

Nadia’s frustration bubbled to the surface, her voice trembling with emotion. “I’m aware of the situation with his mother,” Nadia spat the words at the guard, “I deserve to know why he isn’t responding to me.”

His expression remained impassive, further infuriating her. “I understand your concerns, Nadia,” he paused, looking her over, then his voice softened at the emotion in her eyes, “But I’m not at liberty to say.”

Nadia’s fists clenched at her sides, her resolve hardening like steel. “Well, tell him this,” she declared, her voice ringing with determination. “He can go fuck himself.”

Nadia turned on her heel and resumed her jog, pounding the concrete with determined steps. Her breath came in ragged gasps, not so much from the physical exertion of her jog, but from the turmoil raging within her. Ryan could think again if he thought he could string her along like this while he plays hometown cowboy with Melanie.

With each stride, Nadia’s thoughts churned, swirling with frustration and anger. How could he ignore her like this? Ryan’s face flickered in her mind, his image marred by the sting of his unanswered texts and his apparent indifference. But alongside her fury simmered a more insidious emotion—a gnawing sense of betrayal, not by Ryan, but by herself for allowing him to wield such power over her heart.

What the hell had happened to her? She had been living it up every night in Miami, hooking up with any Mr., Right Now she pleased, without ever giving any one of them a second thought. Ryan had captured her so perfectly, and so completely, that she was unraveling in his absence. Enough was enough.

She texted Mandy back:

Nadia: I’m closing for Hannah tonight, then you and I are hitting up El Palenque. I’m done pining for Ryan.

The fading light from the late evening sun, cast a warm glow through the café windows, as Nadia began the familiar routine of closing up for the night. The last stragglers had left, their laughter and chatter fading into the quiet hum of Miami nightlife.

She wiped down the countertops, methodically arranging the sugar packets and stacking the chairs. But her movements lacked their usual vigor, her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Ryan. She tried to psych herself up for the night out on the town with Mandy, but the anticipation of the familiar rhythm of getting ready to go out felt hollow.

As she flicked off the lights one by one, the café seemed to shrink around her, the empty space echoing with the hollow ache in her chest. She checked her phone one last time, hoping for a message that never came. The silence was deafening, punctuated only by the soft whirr of the espresso machine as it cooled down for the night.

She was doubting her resolve, her determination to put Ryan out of her mind was fading. If she wasn’t going to call it quits, what was her game plan here? Just wait around forever?

Screw it. She needed to follow her plans. She had been back to the apartment earlier in the day and it was clean, freshly painted, her new furniture had been set up, her locks had been changed, and her new best life in Miami could start.

The soft click of the lock echoed through the empty café as Nadia secured the door behind her. With a weary sigh, she turned to head for the exit, her mind continuing to swirl with thoughts of Ryan. Was she really going to pick up another man at the bar? Guilt was threatening at the edge of her consciousness as she considered those intentions.

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