Page 39 of Somewhere Between Falling

“I know a place,” Tobias responded. He held open the door and then led me to his car. I knew we were far enough away from campus the chances of anyone seeing us were slim to none, but at this point what did it matter? Regardless, I still found myself glancing over my shoulder as I got into his car. Old habits die hard, I thought.

My phone buzzed again, and this time I looked. “It’s my dad.”

“Answer it. It could be important,” he said.

Reluctantly, I did. “Hey, Dad.”

“Tamsin! It’s time. We’re here at Mercy West. Blair is all checked into her room, and she’s doing great. Are you…?” I could tell he was struggling to ask, but eventually he spit it out. “I mean, did you decide…Are you going to be here to meet your brother?”

“I, uh, yeah, I mean…” I stammered, unable to focus enough to answer him. I needed to talk to Tobias. I bit my lip and looked up at Tobias who was staring at me with a curiously perplexed expression. I was certain the indecision was blatant on my face.

“I really want you here, kiddo,” Dad pleaded softly.

And I think that’s what finally convinced me. He said he wanted me there. Not we, as if he and Blair were one and the same, but singularly. It was important to him that I was there.

“Okay, yeah. I just need to go get my car, and I’ll head over.” I hung up with him and turned back to Tobias.

“What’s up?” he asked, and I knew he was probably confused by the bits of conversation he just heard.

“Blair is having her baby, and he wants me to be there,” I told him simply.

“Well, yeah, of course, he does. It’s a big day for him,” he said, thoughtfully cocking his head to the side. “But you don’t want to go?’

It still amazed me how clearly he understood me without me having to speak my every thought. He just knew.

“It’s not that I don’t want to,” I started to say. I mean, I wasn’t evil. I liked babies as much as the next girl, but this particular baby was the final nail in the coffin that was life as I had previously known it to be. There was no going back now. “Okay, it’s exactly that. I don’t want to. He’s starting a new family with his new wife, and I’m not sure exactly where I fit in that picture—or even if I want to.”

“I’m sorry. I get it,” he said astutely, “but I think you’ll regret it if you’re not there.”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled.

“Don’t think of the new baby as a barrier, but rather a bridge.”

“Don’t get all philosophical on me,” I said, only pretending to be annoyed because, let’s be honest, I kind of loved it when he went into teacher mode.

He smiled warmly in response to my tone before tenderly brushing a wayward hair out of my eyes. Just the smallest touch of his hand sent tingles down my spine, and I involuntarily shivered in response.

“Are you excited to meet your baby—sister? Brother? I’m not sure you ever said.”

“Brother.” I paused, giving myself time to think. “And honestly, I’m not sure. I mean it’s kind of weird. I’m going to be twenty this year...You know, I always wanted a baby brother. I just wasn’t expecting to be twenty years older than him.”

“I see your point,” he agreed thoughtfully.

“Plus, even though I know that my mom and dad aren’t getting back together, Dad having a baby with another woman sort of makes it more real, I guess. I don’t know if I’m explaining this properly.” It seemed so childish when I said it out loud.

“No, it makes sense,” he said, “but—”

“It’s not really the baby’s fault, though.” I cut him off, somehow knowing exactly what he was going to say.”

“Right. He’s definitely innocent in the matter,” he said with an approving smile. “Do you want me to take you back to your car?”

“Not really,” I admitted.

“I’ll drive, then.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” he said earnestly.

---