Page 99 of Bad Enough

“I know you probably won’t believe me, but I had already decided yesterday to share with you what I know, but I just… I wanted one more night with you where I was still clean in your mind. I’ve been so scared, TB. So scared I couldn’t think straight. The only time I’ve felt safe is when I’ve been with you. You said, ‘No matter what, I’ve got you.’ ‘My last breath,’ you said. And I’m about to throw that all away because I was too selfish to speak up sooner. I would have been better off to tell you when it was just a suspicion. But part of me can’t regret that I didn’t because then I wouldn’t have gotten to have you, even for just this little bit of time.”

She admitted with defeat, “Yes, I was scared to share my past with you because doing so put me right back into the eye of the storm that my life was until six years ago. I’ve worked so hard to be at peace with my past. To accept it. To move on.

“But TB, you can’t miss the irony in this situation. You make this big deal out of honesty, but you can’t even be honest with yourself, let alone me. I thought you honestly felt something for me, even if you were reluctant to feel it. That you would want something with me bad enough to let go of your past and fight for it.

“Instead, I discover you don’t want anything bad enough except to be the villain in your own story. You use your Total Bastard persona to destroy anything good that comes your way. It’s safer to be apart from others because you don’t have to feel. It’s easier to be your nickname because it discourages people from getting close. Because wanting something, and wanting it badly enough, breaks down the lie you’ve been telling yourself most, if not all, of your life. You don’t just use your anger and your pain to isolate yourself—you revel in it.”

She got out of bed, the sheet wound around her like a shroud. Tears threatened to unleash. Her voice was barely above a whisper and on the edge of desperation. “Please understand. I did everything I could to save myself, but now I’m right back in his grasp, and there’s going to be no stopping him. I am not something to be bought and sold any more than those women are.”

He stalked up to her, his chest heaving. “What are you talking about?”

She could see the confusion warring with the disbelief in his eyes.

“I’ll tell your team everything. But you can’t be in the room. I can’t watch your face. It will kill me.”

She was weary. All of this was too much, and she wanted to lock herself away again. Not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. It had been safer that way.

38

JUNE 19TH

TB

Outside the conference room, TB clutched at Midas’ arm to prevent him from going inside. “Midas. I…”

Midas used his free arm to grab TB’s opposite shoulder. “I’ve got her. She’ll be fine. Trust me. And while you’re on the other side of that screen, figure out your shit. Because this is definitely your point of no return.”

A single clap to TB’s shoulder and Midas went into the conference room. TB saw Flame in the space between Midas’ body, the door, and the door jamb, and then he couldn’t see her anymore when the door closed.

Midas had some sort of voodoo magic he did on “good cop” interrogations. No one understood how it worked, even him, so when they had softer targets, he took the lead with his auto-suggestion tactics.

Banished to the security camera room, TB stood in front of the monitors, watching the room. Midas sat at the head. Flame was one seat to his right. The others stood around the room, relaxed yet focused. They were trying not to scare her, but TB knew she was petrified by how her teeth were gnawing on her lip and the tight fists clenched in her lap.

“Everything feels stretched. Like if I lock myself down any harder, I’m going to shatter,” he said to himself.

“That’s because you know you might not be able to fix this.”

TB looked to his right and saw the speaker had a green light on it. God was listening in. TB had known the man would be but hadn’t figured he’d be listening in on the security room end as well.

“Let me guess,” the voice continued. “Feeling panicked? Angry? Confused? Reliving your argument and realizing all the ways you’ve fucked up? Wishing you could reverse time?”

TB relived the conversation in her sanctuary.

He did always paint himself as a villain.

He did destroy things first so that others couldn’t.

He did hold himself away from others because when they left, it wouldn’t hurt.

He did see himself as unredeemable.

He did see the worst in others because he jumped to the most obvious conclusion, thereby allowing him to let go before they did.

He wanted her so badly, but he truly believed he didn’t deserve her, so he subconsciously took every opportunity to try to turn her away.

But then he turned around and tried to bind her to him using the only weapon he had, which was her feelings for him.

The poor woman had to feel like she was constantly being whipped around in every direction with him. She had no clue how he felt. And why should she? He’d never told her.

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