Page 72 of Falling for My Ex Next Door

I had been lost in him and swept off my feet. It had been momentary, but it was a moment I could never forget.

That was who I was.

That was the kind of spirit I had always maintained.

What then changed? Why did I feel like I was no longer myself?

These feelings were not explainable and overpowered my senses. When I reflected on his words, I seemed to fish out my inadequacies.

I wasn’t doing right by myself, neither was I doing right by him. I needed to know what exactly I felt, but it proved difficult.

It was as if history wanted to repeat itself. My heart ached just as it did three years ago. It seemed like he was leaving me, again.

Or-

Was I the one doing the leaving, this time around?

However, Daisy didn’t just disappear; she visited me at my house, telling me how he was faring and his whereabouts, and she said she felt I needed to know. I asked her why.

“You are still family to me, even if you and my brother may not work out.” She said to me.

“Thank you,” I felt grateful.

“But I think you can work things out with Jacob if you want to. It’s a matter of the heart, but if you have the slightest love for him, you can take the risk.” She opined.

“I don’t know.”

“Ease your mind. You don’t have to make a decision right away.” She assured me.

I was at least grateful she was still around and had not vanished into thin air. I concluded that she had indeed grown. Everyone had grown but me.

When I looked in the mirror, I still saw my twenty-three-year-old self, the young lady who loved and got her heart broken and didn’t want to love again.

My phone vibrated in my hand, and I started back to life. It was my mom. I had told her about everything, and she insisted on coming despite the fact I had told her I would make it home for Christmas and my situation as it was, wasn’t a matter of life and death as she deemed it to be.

“I’m at your door.” She sounded upset.

She had been ringing the doorbell for some time, but no response had come, so she was forced to call me.

“Are you still sulking?” She asked even before she settled down. “You should not be sulking a few days to Christmas!”

“I feel so stupid, Mom.” I sat next to her, breaking down. “Why did he have to do that without my consent? I felt so embarrassed.”

“It’s okay to feel stupid when you are in love. No one’s stopping you. Go ahead. And as for the clearance, he’s sorry, you know, he only cares for you.” She said with a kind of knowledge that was peculiar to motherhood.

“Have you ever felt this way before?” I asked, curious.

“I’m not in your shoes, so I cannot say per se. But yes, I have felt so stupid in love.”

“Do you think I am in love with Jacob, Mom?” I found myself asking what I had long since asked myself.

“Isn’t it obvious? You have feelings for him. Have you looked in the mirror lately? It is written all over your face, just how much you love him.”

I sighed.

“But he broke my trust, again. Also, I do not feel like I felt when I first confessed my feelings for him.”

“Right, but I tell you, love takes different dimensions to manifest.” She said, wiping away my tears.

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