Page 35 of Unleashing Chaos

“I can’t . . . I can’t go through that again. And if I hurt someone . . . I can’t, Desi.”

My eyebrows knit together, and I forget my situation for the moment. “Go through what? Jace, what are you talking about? You didn’t hurt anyone,” I whisper, sliding my hand from his chin up his cheek and into his hair. He shakes underneath my touch, and I shift so I’m a bit closer to him. “Jace, talk to me.”

“I can’t get into a car accident. I couldn’t live through that again.”

My skin tightens and my heart squeezes. Before I know what I’m doing, I’m reaching out and brushing my fingers against the material on his shirt, right over where I know the scar is. I didn’t have much time to think about it the day I first saw the mangled skin. Everything got out of hand so quickly. But the seconds I spent looking at it were enough to know something terrible happened to him.

“This scar. It’s from a car accident?”

He nods while gulping down air. His eyes are rimmed red with tears waiting to fall. I’ve never seen him so freaked out before. Up until this moment, I believed that Jace Wilder was unshakable.

His breathing isn’t getting any steadier, and my worry is mounting. “Slow down your breathing, Jace. You’re scaring me with how much air you’re gulping down. Do you want some water? What can I do for you? I don’t want to crowd you. Some people want someone close to them in times like this, some people don’t.”

He takes my hands and presses my palms to the back of his head. “Rub. Slow.”

While my fingers graze his scalp, he rests his forehead to my chest and presses his hands flat to my back. His breathing slows as does his trembling. We remain like that for several minutes before he takes a deep breath and says, “I’m sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize, Jace,” I say, continuing my scalp massage. “I want to be there for you. You’ve been there for me when I’ve needed you; let me return the favor.”

He lifts his head and the crease between his eyes is so deep. “Tell me what the hell is going on. What I saw can’t be real.”

I close my eyes and take a step away from him, dropping my hands to my sides. I can’t tell him what I am. My father was very clear about that before I left. He gave me permission to tell one human, and that person had to be my eternal partner. It made sense at the time. He would have to know what I am and where he’ll spend the rest of eternity. Angels and demons may influence humans to see the value in what we can offer after this life, but we should never do something that jeopardizes them making the decision for themselves. Telling Jace that I’m a demon could put his eternal happiness at risk.

“I don’t want to put you in a panic again,” I say in all honesty.

“Desideria, I will spiral again if you don’t give me an explanation. Don’t let me make up my own. I don’t want to feel like a fool when there’s a simple reason why I saw what I did.”

“That’s the thing; there is a reason, but it’s not simple. And telling you could have terrible repercussions on—”

“Just tell me.”

The desperation in his voice is like a knife straight to my heart. He needs the truth to gain control of his emotions. If I don’t explain what I am, Jace could end up in a worse place than he was a minute ago. I don’t want to be the reason he endures that type of pain again.

“Okay. Hang in here with me for a second. Do you believe in angels and demons?” I ask.

He bolts from the stool and shuffles around in the cabinet next to the sink, pulling out an orange prescription bottle. After a short struggle with the childproof cap, he shakes a pill into his palm and slips it under his tongue. Several long seconds pass, and he remains as still as stone. Afraid he’s gone into shock, I ease forward but stop when he turns back to me with a steely expression. He crosses his arms and takes several deep breaths, filling his lungs so much his shirt strains against his chest. “Don’t fuck with me right now. I’m not in a good place.”

I want to square my shoulders and match his demeanor but going head-to-head with him isn’t going to make this situation any easier. I’m pretty sure he just had a panic attack. There’s no way I can add to his stress. He needs to know that he wasn’t seeing things, and that everything will be all right.

I sit on the stool he vacated and fold my hands on the counter. “I’m not fucking with you. I need you to answer the question.”

He tosses up his hands and scrunches his nose, clearly not understanding where this conversation is going. “I don’t know. I don’t discredit the possibility of beings that oversee humans. They haven’t been proven, but they haven’t been disproven either.”

“What if I told you it’s not about overseeing humans . . . but letting humans prepare to choose what they want for eternity—chaos or peace? Angels are representatives of peace, demons are agents of chaos.” Jace just stares at me, so I keep talking. “What you saw when you came in . . . that was me using the power I’ve been given. Jace, I’m a demon princess from Infernis—sort of like the realm humans call Hell.” I hold my breath, waiting for the explosive reaction that is sure to come.

“Perfect. Because I’m the one who will bring balance to the force. Vader is my father.”

I roll my eyes when I realize he’s referencing Star Wars. “No, Jace. This isn’t a fantasy movie. I’m telling you the truth.”

He paces the length of the kitchen, running his palm over his face. “You sound ridiculous right now.”

“Then you tell me what you thought you saw,” I say, sweeping my hand in front of me and giving him center stage.

“I don’t know!”

“You do. I just told you I have powers!”

“If you’re a demon, where are your horns and tail?”

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