Page 66 of Sizzle Reel

My stomach clenches, and tears well in my eyes. “I don’t know. The fantasy of the kiss feels so amazing, but I just think about the date itself and I want to throw up. It’s…I don’t want to screw a date up, and if this goes wrong, what if it affects my entire gay experience? I already feel like I’m jaded with guys, and I don’t want to get jaded with girls too.”

There’s a long pause. “Do you want my advice?”

“Yes.”

“If you don’t feel comfortable telling Romy and Wyatt not to come on your date, I don’t think you’re ready for this step yet. Which is fine. It’s been two months. But I want you to always be aware of the toll what you do has on your mental health. Nothing you orchestrate is worth falling into a mental breakdown. And truly, when you have confidence in your choices, it will make the experiences positive. Confidence in yourself isn’t a guarantee you’ll get the outcome you want, but it does mean you’ll be ready to accept the consequences.”

Okay.

I send a message to the group chat with Romy and Wyatt immediately after therapy:

Folks I think I need to cancel the date tomorrow. I’m not ready to do this without you. It’s not time.

Romy responds first.

Bummer bc karaoke is bomb, but I understand. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you.

Then Wyatt right after.

WTF WTF WTF NO. I’M CALLING YOU.

Right on cue, my phone rings. I answer.

“Hey, Luna, where are you?” he asks. His reception is a little scratchy, like he’s running.

“At my therapist’s office?”

“I’m coming now.”

“What? Why are you even in the Beach Cities?”

Wyatt lives in Santa Monica, an hour’s drive from my therapist’s office with Friday traffic.

“I was doing an afternoon date with this girl from there, but yeah, I’m here. Can I meet you at North End Caffe because I really want to see you.”

I guess that’s like a question. “Okay.”

Within ten minutes, Wyatt and I are at one of the local Manhattan Beach cafés. Wyatt’s hair is a little ruffled, but his button-down is still unwrinkled. I ignore the sting in my chest when I think about what he’s been doing. He orders a coffee, and we find a table with a gorgeous view of the ocean out the window. Sometimes I wonder if I could convince Julia to have therapy outside. It would make my decision to not switch therapists for someone closer to my apartment than my parents’ place make actual sense.

“All right, what evil force has compelled you to drop this?” Wyatt asks, nudging me like this is a joke. Or like he doesn’t know how to process it if it’s not.

“Just…talking to Julia,” I reply.

Wyatt’s expression softens. “What’s got you hung up?”

“I shouldn’t be calling this a date if I can’t even do it without you guys.”

He frowns. “Why would that make it weird? This is a huge deal with a girl you really like. I think the support makes sense.”

I hate to say how much his words loosen the knot in my stomach.

“But who brings their nondating friends on a date?”

“I think it’s not a big deal, and we can take some of the pressure off of you at the start. You seem super nervous even now, and having us there will make things easier. We’ll bring drinks, joke around. Romy and I know Valeria, so it’s not awkward. We’ll have fun, and if you want us to leave, I’ll say I forgot I have an early appointment or something and drag Romy out.”

A spark of anticipation is lighting inside me, but something is still just…off.

“But what about Romy? She didn’t agree to this.”

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