Page 44 of Sizzle Reel

Trauma clarification: I have lost at least three guys I liked because I came across as “too eager,” which basically meant I asked them out on second dates. Men suck.

I exhale, opening up my chat with this girl named Jo. We talked about Pose last night when we matched. Part of me feels like I’m doing the dating app thing more for Romy than me. These girls’ photos are stunning, sure, but my chest tightens thinking about stripping naked for anyone I don’t, well, know. Taking off my top for guys on promising second or third dates felt strange enough, and I’ve been told by friends, cousins, and cool aunts to expect to be doing that my whole single life. The idea of getting naked with a girl I don’t know, trying to be vulnerable and hot and not show how clueless I am—it’s a lot. But I guess I should at least try. Be ready in case the Valeria thing ends up being all in my head.

“What does your profile look like?” I ask.

Romy hands me her phone. I’m flattered to see that most of her photos are ones I’ve taken of her on our adventures. Her profile is pretty simple: states her pronouns and gender, that she’s a writer and a big-game veterinarian for the Mob. And that she’s not here to be anyone’s unicorn. I’d swipe right.

I shake away the heat traveling to my cheeks as I hand her phone back to her.

“Jo responded,” Romy says, glancing at my phone. “And how’s figuring out if Valeria is gay?”

Jo’s response: It’s SO GOOD. Btw, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you on this site for?

I tug at the collar of my shirt. “It is so obvious that I don’t think she is.”

“What does that mean?”

I drop into her reading chair. “She said she used to post rainbow photos on her MySpace, very obviously dislikes men who aren’t our gay D.P., lets our lesbian E.P. sit in her lap to watch dailies, won’t go to North Carolina, knows how to sit gayly in a chair, and referred to an ex as her partner.”

Romy breaks into a wide grin. “I like the idea that she’s just a straight unicorn enthusiast who knows what’s comfortable and really fucking hates men and North Carolina.”

I drop my face into my hands and huff.

“Dude, that’s very gay. Your observations are astute,” Romy says.

“Really?”

I reply to Jo. The coming-out thing is so much easier with strangers. Well, I’ve been out for about a month and a half and just want to start making connections to other sapphics. Friends or more.

Jo responds almost immediately. Oh, that’s so great!! And shit, kudos to you for being on here so early. Very brave.

My chest lightens as I read the message.

“What’re you smiling at?” Romy asks. “Did Valeria send another pic of her dog?”

I shake my head. “No, just Jo. She’s being really cool about the fact that I just came out.”

Romy smiles. “See! Valeria’s not the only person outside our friend group who will treat you nicely.”

I glance at the time: eleven thirty. “Besides, it’s too early for Valeria to send me pictures of her dog.” I glance at her. She’s typing too. “Are you talking to anyone?”

She shrugs. “I talk to a couple people at once. If one sticks, the apps disappear.”

I furrow my brow. “But you never bring them around for us to meet.”

Romy frowns. “Yeah. I dunno, things just usually end quickly. A couple of them weren’t out yet and I didn’t want to introduce them to my non-queer friends. But now that you’re out, I think it’d be a nice idea.”

Her explanation feels weird to me for some reason. It seems like she’s not telling me the whole truth, but why would she lie to me?

I exhale. Another message from Jo. Hey, can I do something kinda bold?

“Shit! Romy, shit, I think Jo’s gonna ask me on a date!” I say.

Which feels weird with the Valeria thing, but still.

I reply, Yes.

“Hell yeah!” she says.

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