Page 91 of Every Beat of My Heart

I rolled the bottle over my forehead, cooling my heated skin. “I haven’t been able to see her much now that the farm is open for the season.”

“That’s tough on a new relationship.”

“We haven’t exactly defined whatever it is we’re doing.” Then I cringed, expecting Dad to tell me how immature I was being.

“Don’t you think she deserves more than that?” Dad asked reasonably.

“She’s fresh off a divorce.” There was still a part of me that didn’t feel good enough for someone like her. It was a hard feeling to shake.

“Did she say she didn’t want anything serious?”

I thought back to that first kiss. “She said she wanted to keep things light, take it slow.”

“Things change. You should ask her what she wants now.”

“Just as soon as things slow down.”

Dad gave me a look. “You know that doesn’t happen until December twenty-fifth.”

“My favorite day of the year.” The farm was closed, and I always felt like I could sleep for a year.

“If I haven’t said it before, I’m proud of you.”

“Really?” I couldn’t help but ask, but he hadn’t said that before. I would have remembered.

“It’s tough getting one-on-one time with each of you kids. Especially after Mom died. I was drowning in responsibilities. I wanted to do my best by you. Raise you the way Mom wanted. But I have to admit, it was pure survival in those early years. I leaned on Teddy and Wes, probably too much. That’s why they’re wound so tight now.”

“That’s the reason?” I joked.

Dad didn’t crack a smile. “Then you felt the need to be the jokester. Which we appreciated. But not at the expense of burying yourself underneath it all.”

I bristled. “What are you talking about?”

“You were the only one who seemed to be okay through all of it.” Dad held up his hand. “I’m not saying you were, but you joked around, tried to get the other kids to play. You were a lifesaver. I didn’t worry about you until much later, when it seemed like you couldn’t decide what to do with your life.”

“I’m aware of how much that bothered everyone in the family,” I said dryly.

“I’m not trying to criticize you. It might have taken you a little while longer to discover your passion, but you’ve done that and then some.”

“I work three to four jobs,” I said, not quite believing him. Wasn’t that proof that I couldn’t figure out what I wanted?

“You enjoy mentoring people. I can see that now. It’s not about the job. It’s who you can reach.”

“I hadn’t thought about it like that.”

“I see how you are with Owen and the kids on your team. It’s what you were meant to do.”

“You believe that?” I asked him, genuinely curious.

“I felt bad when Daphne took over the kitchen, but she always said how much she enjoyed it. And I had a front-row seat when she was perfecting her pie recipe. Not only was it tasty, but I saw how passionate she was about getting it right. She was born to bake. Just like you were made to teach and coach.”

“I always assumed you wanted me going into law enforcement like everyone else.”

Dad shook his head. “I didn’t think you were cut out for it. Your heart is too big. It would have crushed your spirit.”

My forehead wrinkled. “Why are you telling me all of this now?”

“I don’t think I was the best father. I tried, but I failed in many ways. But I’m always growing and trying to do better, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you how I felt about what you’re doing now.”

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