Page 9 of Every Beat of My Heart

Jameson opened the door, and we stepped onto the porch. It was colder now. The wind had picked up, making the wind chimes hanging on my porch sound.

“Can I give you my number in case Owen wants to throw around?”

“That would be wonderful.” I wasn’t sure it was smart when I was the one who wanted Jameson to stop by, but I couldn’t resist.

I unlocked my phone and handed it to him. He inputted his number, then handed it back to me. “I’ll send a text to myself so I have it too.”

I didn’t think too hard about what it meant to exchange numbers. He said it was to play with Owen. Not to see me.

I enjoyed having Jameson around. He made me feel like I was ready to get back out there and date.

Jameson touched my shoulder briefly. “Have a good night.”

“You too, Jameson.”

I watched him get into his truck and pull away from the curb. What single man spent his free time helping homeowners with fire prevention, then stayed for dinner and to throw a ball with a kid? None that I’d ever met.

Despite the chill in the air, I sat on the rocking chair on the porch. I was resigned to most single men being recently divorced, which came with a whole host of issues: divorce proceedings, custody battles, and other drama from their ex.

I hadn’t even thought about seeing someone who hadn’t had kids before. I just assumed they wouldn’t understand the demands of a single mother. But Jameson had mentioned that his sister had been.

He’d been so patient and kind with Owen. But I couldn’t get too far ahead of myself. Jameson was here as part of his job, and he enjoyed kids. His being here had nothing to do with me. He’d asked for my number so he could see Owen, not me. I shouldn’t read more into it than there was.

My body heated at the memory of his touch. I’d wanted to step closer, and feel his hard body pressed against mine. But I had no idea if he felt what I did.

Odds are that he could have any woman he wanted. He ran into people at his job and probably went out to bars with his brothers. A single guy wouldn’t want anything to do with a mom and her middle-school-aged son.

I had to be practical. I’d believed in love and fairy tales before I’d married Eric. Then I realized the reality was a far cry from what I’d imagined of marriage. I was home with a fussy baby trying to take online classes and finish homework while Eric graduated then worked long hours at the office. It was nice that he was a few years older than me, graduated, and got a paying job. But it was long days with a child at home and even longer nights. I was alone.

Eric didn’t do anything to hurt me; it was more of the inattention that did me in slowly over time. I felt alone, even when I was with a moms’ group or started teaching. I’d come home to an empty house, and Eric would work past our bedtimes.

He didn’t respond to my requests for more time. Just said that he was working hard to provide financially for us. He didn’t seem to understand that we wanted more. We needed his time and attention. Not things.

Living by myself wasn’t that much different than being with Eric. Except I truly was alone. Now my stupid heart was thinking about Jameson and what kind of father he’d be.

I had a feeling he’d be attentive. That he’d wake up with a crying baby and change diapers. It was a stupid fantasy because he hadn’t given me any indication that he was interested in me.

Jameson was a handsome, charming guy, and he could have anyone he wanted. He wouldn’t want to be tied down with a single mother and her kid.

CHAPTER 3

JAMESON

The rest of the week I was busy between my shifts at the station and the substitute teaching positions I picked up. I wanted to fill my time, so every morning I checked for openings.

What I loved about substitute teaching was that you could take whatever jobs you wanted. So if I was tired or needed to help out on the farm, I didn’t take a job that day.

Ever since I’d spent the evening with Claire and Owen, I’d been antsy. I volunteered for every job at the firehouse and every teaching position I could get. I wanted to stay busy because if I had free time, I worried I’d want to call Claire and see if Owen wanted to throw a ball around or make an excuse to stop in and see them again.

I liked the idea of that way more than hanging out with my coworkers at a bar downtown. I had no interest in drinking or picking up women.

Football tryouts were coming up, and I had no idea what to expect. I wasn’t even sure I’d be any good at coaching. My coaches all said I was great with the younger kids, and I enjoyed teaching, so I hoped it would be okay.

I felt like a disappointment to my family most of the time. I didn’t want to feel like that in other areas of my life. Sometimes I thought that’s why I volunteered to do so much. I wanted to prove that I was capable and reliable. Someone people could count on.

I wanted to be the best substitute teacher and coach I could be. It might not be what my dad wanted for me, but it was what I enjoyed. I wanted to give back to the community, and I enjoyed working directly with people.

While my brothers fought to make the world a safer place, I just wanted to help people. I sensed how much Owen enjoyed me taking the time to play ball with him. I wanted to touch more people like that. Teach them there’s more to life than whatever’s going on at home.

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