Page 76 of For Real

I didn’t think I did anything or said anything, but there must have been some trace of what I felt reflected on my face or revealed by my body because suddenly Toby was in my lap, in my arms, kissing me.

“I’m so glad I met you,” I told him.

And I meant it. I meant it as deeply as I’d ever meant anything.

* * *

Later, we piled everything back into the box, except for a flogger Toby was still holding. He was letting the falls run gently through the fingers of his opposite hand, and the rasp of skin and deerskin seemed both unbearably loud and unbearably sensuous in the quiet, almost empty room.

“What if I wanted to hurt you?” he asked.

“Well, you’d be unlikely to succeed with that. It’s very soft.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I thought…” He looked flustered.

“I take it you’ve never used a flogger before?”

He shrugged. “What can I say? Comprehensive school. Just wasn’t on the curriculum.”

“Then you’ve got the right instincts because this one is a good choice for you.” That banished some of his sulkiness, his lips tipping into a little smile. I stepped closer. “You’re not…particularly tall so I’m afraid it’s going to be a bit annoying to find floggers that work for you.”

“All the world’s against me.” He put a hand to his forehead and staggered melodramatically.

“I’m afraid so, darling. Most whips will be designed on the assumption you’re not…um—”

“A short-arse?”

I nodded. “But this should work fine. The tails aren’t too long, and the handle should be comfortable.” I put my hand over his and showed him how to find the balance point, and then I adjusted his grip so he was holding the flogger correctly. “It’s all in the wrist.”

Toby made an odd, breathy sound.

“Too much?”

“No, it’s just…insanely hot. You showing me how to…so I can…on you. You have no idea how fucking horny I am right now.”

I slid my free hand into the dressing gown, discovering his cock throbbing among folds of flannel. “I have some notion.”

Then he was wriggling and laughing, and I was laughing too, layering this moment like fresh paint over a lot of cracked, old memories.

“Mind you”—he pressed shamelessly against me—“I’m still not sure I’d have the balls to use this on a person.”

“Do you want me to show you?”

There was a pause. “Um…uh…this probably sounds weird, but I don’t think I go that way. Like, not at all. Same as I know I don’t want to sleep with girls, even though I haven’t tried. Sorry.”

“I’m not asking you to submit to me.”

He twisted his head round to give me an incredulous look. “You’re going to tie me up and hit me with something, and somehow that’s not submissive?”

“I wasn’t going to tie you up.”

“Oh, well, that’s cool, then.”

“It’s up to you, Toby, always. But I suppose it comes down to whether you think dominance and submission are about acts or about people.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I guess I think…power is where you put it.” He looked down at the flogger, his expression slightly wary. “So how would it work? I…I’m kind of pathetically scared of being hurt.”

“I wouldn’t hurt you. I’ll make you feel wonderful.”

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