Page 34 of For Real

He sniffed and gurgled, but didn’t pull away from me. “Just so you know, I fucking hate you right now.”

His body was so cold against mine. “How long were you waiting?”

“Since I got off work. So six or something.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re always sorry, Laurie.” He wiped his eyes and let out a shuddery breath. “Seriously, I was this close to building a fucking willow cabin.”

“Not many willows around here.”

“Jesus.” He shook himself free and whirled round, furious and tearful and Toby. “Are you laughing at me? I’m broken, and you’re laughing. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“You’re not broken, and I’m not laughing at you. I just…” I stumbled and had to stop.

“What? You just what?”

“I’m just so”—something inside me yielded, and it felt effortless—“happy to see you.”

He folded his arms and glared. “Well, if you’re that happy to see me, why the fuck did you let me leave?”

“Can we talk about this inside?”

“I don’t know. It seems like every time I get into your house, you’re chucking me out of it.”

I sighed. “What was I supposed to do? Tie you to my bed and keep you?”

“You realise there’s like a middle ground between kidnapping someone and making them feel like they’re completely unimportant to you. Did you not maybe consider saying, ‘Hey, Tobes, why don’t we not never see each other again?’”

I squeezed past him and unlocked the door. “As it happened, I didn’t. Now, are you coming in?”

But Toby wasn’t easily distracted. “Wait? Why didn’t you? Didn’t it mean anything to you at all?”

“Of course it did, but you’re nineteen and I’m not, and I didn’t think it was appropriate.”

“Well, I’m still nineteen, you’re still not, so what’s changed?”

I paused on the threshold. The truth was, I had nothing to lose. “What’s changed is I don’t care. I’m unhappy and I’m lonely, and when I was with you I wasn’t. So either go away or get in my goddamn house.”

Toby stood there for what seemed like a very long time, his eyes fixed on mine.

I waited for him and tried not to flinch, feeling very far from perfect just then. It was hard not to wonder what he was seeing when he looked at me. If I seemed as old and weary and lost to him as I did to me.

He crooked his finger at me. “Come here.”

“Why?”

“You need a reason? Because I’m here. Come on. It’s like two steps.”

Now it was my turn to hesitate. It wasn’t very far at all, but it seemed farther, and it was just a little like a power game, something I had always strictly avoided outside the bedroom. But Toby didn’t look like he was playing games with me. He looked small and fierce and terribly, terribly earnest. What was the difference, really, between him coming inside, and me going to him? Maybe it wasn’t about power at all. Maybe it was simply about choices and honesty.

I took a step forward, and he grinned his huge crescent-moon grin.

My second step brought us together. He put his hands on my shoulders and jumped into my arms. I caught him on instinct alone, my hands just about getting into the right place to support him as he locked his legs around my waist and clung to me like an overly friendly monkey.

I didn’t even think about it. I kissed him. Just my closed lips against his, which were rough and chapped and salty from his tears. Perfect, exactly as he’d said. He tightened all around me, his cock rising almost immediately to press against my stomach. His mouth parted on a very soft and tender moan. And he stayed close enough that I felt the shape of his words before he whispered them. “I’m going to make you so happy.”

I kissed the tip of his nose, which was red and a little bit damp. “No promises, Junior.”

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