Page 48 of Captive Heart

Trinity swung to face her with a start. "He told you about Sara?" she asked in surprise.

Melody shrugged, mentally tucking away the name. "Only that she wanted a Master/slave relationship and he didn't, so she left him for someone else instead of trying to find a compromise… And that she died."

"It's not something he likes to discuss. Especially not at this time of the year." Trinity confided to the group at large, before turning her attention back to Melody. "The fact that he mentioned her to you is pretty significant."

"Why not at this time of the year?" Laurel asked, curiosity getting the better of her as usual.

"Laurel!" Charlotte and Luanna both cautioned her at the same time, but Trinity answered anyway. Maybe to shut them all up and close the subject down.

"Because it's approaching the anniversary of her death. It will be three years later this month."

32

Silence hung around the room for a moment before Laurel cheerfully filled the awkward void again.

"Well, it's about time we found him something else to concentrate on then," she decided. "And I think Melody's up for the job."

Melody gave a noncommittal shrug and mentally braced to put herself out there. "He thinks anything I offer is out of gratitude," she admitted reluctantly.

"Is it?" Charlotte entered the conversation for the first time, though Melody was aware that her speculative gaze had never wavered.

"Maybe in the beginning," she conceded, looking from woman to woman so they could see her sincerity. "I wanted to repay him for everything he's done for me, and I had nothing else to give except myself."

Melody paused, embarrassed at how it sounded when she said it out loud. It was different, somehow, when the idea had just been in her head, but now that it was out there, she sounded like a prostitute, trading favours. No wonder Micah didn't want her!

God, sharing this had been a bad idea after all. Melody drew up her legs and wrapped her arms around them, dipping her head until her forehead touched her knees.

"God damn!" she cursed, muffled in the protective cocoon she had created. "I sound like a whore!"

A gentle hand rubbed her shoulder, and Luanna's soothing, modulated voice cut through her mortification. "Of course you don't," she assured comfortingly. "You sound like someone who has been through a nightmare and is thankful to have survived. One who is willing to reward her saviour with the ultimate gift. There's no shame in that, Melody, although I can well understand why Micah would refuse. He'd be the first person who would consider that acting on that offer to be taking advantage, and he would be right."

Melody lifted her head. Put like that, her humiliation took on a completely different flavour.

"But things changed," she insisted, raising her head but still hugging her knees tightly for support. "I can't really explain it, because I've never felt like this before, but I know it isn't gratitude I’m feeling now. If it was, then I’d happily be able to put it aside and feel that I had made the offer and it had been declined, and that would be fine because it's the thought that counts and all that."

Melody swallowed and, with some effort, uncurled herself from the ball she had wrapped herself into, clasping her hands together instead.

"Now it's something far more driven. What I feel when I look at Micah makes my heart beat faster and my palms feel sweaty. I look at him, and I feel an awareness I've never known with a man before and it makes me want to…do things."

Jeez, she still didn't know how to explain this. Was what she was saying making any sense to these women? Or was she just making a fool of herself?

"Do things?" Trinity questioned, one eyebrow raised in query. "What sort of things?"

"Things like lick him all over to see if he tastes as good as he looks!" Melody replied in a rush, then slapped her hand over her mouth as she realised what she had said. Her eyes grew round, and her cheeks heated along with her confession.

Thankfully, the four women all just burst out laughing.

"Ah! Good old-fashioned lust!" Laurel grinned, waggling her eyebrows comically.

"Is that what it is?" Melody asked seriously, staring at the woman in front of her.

"Attraction," Charlotte qualified, nodding her head thoughtfully. "It's sad that you don't recognise it for what it is, but good that you feel it. It proves that your experiences haven't affected you too detrimentally if you are able to look at a man and fantasise over him. And that is perfectly healthy, so don't be embarrassed by it."

"Good grief, now you sound like Micah, yourself!" Laurel accused, rolling her eyes. Charlotte eyed the younger girl tolerantly. "Yeah? Well, I've had enough counselling because of my past that I'm almost a damn expert!" she retorted.

Melody tipped her head to one side and looked at Charlotte with frank consideration. Did she dare ask? Charlotte had brought it up herself, after all, and Melody was curious about what they had in common. She decided to hedge her bets instead of prying outright.

"Were you in the same situation as I was?"

---