Micah tried hard to keep his true feelings to himself. She may have consented, but it didn't change the fact that someone had deliberately targeted a vulnerable young woman, hell, still a girl, really, at a critical time in her life, and taken advantage of the situation for his own dubious benefit.
"It's okay, Melody. You had a choice, and you made the one you thought best," he agreed albeit grudgingly.
There was no point in chastising Melody for her decisions and perhaps it really had been the best one at that time. Micah was well aware of the pitfalls facing kids coming out of the foster care system. At least she didn't appear to have been forced, and there were no subtle indications coming from her expressing that she regretted the decision.
Besides, he was trying to foster the concept of free choice, and this was an example of a choice she’d made for herself. It would undermine everything he was trying to achieve if he told her it was wrong. Plus, it was in the past. Nothing he said could change what had already happened.
"I do know it could have been dangerous and that he was in it for himself," Melody admitted as if she had read his thoughts. "But I didn't get a bad vibe from him, he was just kind of…sad. You know, unhappy sad. Like he really wanted to take care of someone and wanted someone to take care of him, too."
Lonely, Micah substituted in his own head, but he was glad Melody appeared to have considered the situation. At least weighing the pros and cons before she had dived headfirst into what could have been a nightmare scenario…except that there was still that possibility. Something had gone wrong somewhere, after all, and he still didn't have the whole story.
"Actually, it was all okay. Better than I expected, really. Daddy had a nice house. Big. I even had my own room, although it was kind of decorated for a kid, but I didn't mind that. It was part of the deal, you know?" Melody picked at the hem of the blanket with her fingers, once again looking back into her mind's eye. "He bought me clothes, and even though I didn't get to choose them, and they were mostly a bit childish, they were always suitable for the weather. I had plenty to eat, even if I did have to be fed by someone else, and when Daddy spanked me, it didn't really hurt that much…in fact, I kind of like…umm, well… It wasn't a problem."
She was about to say she'd liked being spanked, he realised, and had then gotten embarrassed, but that was something he'd have to address another time. They both needed to keep on track right now. He knew, without being told, that they were coming to the crucial time when everything had changed for Melody.
"And I wasn't locked in or anything, either, though I didn't usually go out without Daddy."
A tremor vibrated through her slight frame, and Micah knew things were about to turn nasty.
13
"A man started coming around. He and Daddy argued a lot. I don't really know what about, because Daddy sent me out when he was there, and I was happy to go because I knew he was a bad man. I just knew!"
Melody had started to tense incrementally and was now so stiff that she was literally forcing the words from between her clenched teeth.
"Then, one day, I think they must have had a fight, because I could hear bangs and crashes and the sound of things breaking and smashing. Daddy had locked me in my room, which he never, ever did. Not even when I was naughty. But that time, he did, and when it finally went quiet and I thought he was coming to get me, the door rattled, and someone pounded and hammered on it, and I knew it wasn't Daddy."
Her voice had become quiet and strained and her breath was coming in short, sharp pants, but Micah knew that if he stopped her now, it would be twice as hard for her to relive it for a second time. So he kept quiet and offered a hand in support, turning his palm up in front of her so that it was hers to take if she so chose.
And choose, she did. Micah was unprepared for the way she grabbed at his hand and squeezed, hanging on as if he were some kind of lifeline. As he closed his fingers around hers, he could feel the intensity of the quakes that were wracking her frail body.
"He started to s-smash the door." Her voice quivered, and while the words were stammered, Micah could feel her resolve as if it were a living thing and knew she was determined to get it all out, no matter what. He couldn't help but admire the force of her will, and in those moments, he knew she had the strength to come through this. She had found her way here, after all, and that had taken willpower and resilience.
"He b-broke the door down," she whispered, clutching the blanket around her in one hand like it was some kind of protection while gripping Micah's fingers with a feral intensity in the other.
"I t-tried to run from him…to hide, but he caught me and dragged me out."
She trembled uncontrollably, her eyes wide and dilated with a faraway stare, and Micah knew she was reliving the scene as it played out in the cinema of her mind.
"I don't know where Daddy was. I didn't hear him or see him. He didn't come to help me, and I'm sure he would have if he could. I think the man hurt him, although I don’t know for sure. But he never came for me. I never saw him again," she finished in a mournful whisper, and Micah knew that whatever guise their relationship had taken, Melody had been genuinely fond of the man she called Daddy.
Micah wasn't sure if Melody was going to continue after that. She was quiet for a long time and completely still, lost in the memories inside her head that only she could see. Her grip on his hand had relaxed, so he disentangled himself and checked the water for her feet.
It was that which seemed to bring her around, as if she had started to think about them for the first time in a long while.
She groaned, pained. "They hurt even more now."
"I'm sorry to say that they will," Micah confirmed as he handed her more water and encouraged her to drink. "The doctor said the pain would get worse as you started to get the feeling back. Believe it or not, that's a good thing, but I can give you some painkillers if you like."
Melody shook her head. "Not yet. It's bearable at the moment."
If he were to hazard a guess, Micah imagined that she probably had a rather high pain threshold, although whether or not she was inherently masochistic or had just been moulded that way remained to be seen.
He was almost surprised when she resumed her story. He had expected that it might be too much for her, but she proved her innate, quiet strength yet again.
"He beat me for the first time as soon as we got back to the house where he kept me."
Her voice was no longer trembling but now had a kind of detached quality to it, devoid of any kind of emotion, as if she was describing things that had happened to someone else, and Micah knew that was her way of dealing with what had happened to her.