Page 16 of Not Strictly Ballroom

“It was Claire who helped me sort out what I was feeling,” he says when I release him.

“Oh, what did she say?” I’m all shades of curious now. Claire is, well, a typical big sister; she gives a lot of tough love. She means well, but she speaks plainly.

“She said she was sure I’d been in love with you since I was sixteen.”

What? I swallow. Has he?

“Um, I don’t know what to say.” I truly don’t know how to process that nugget of information, if it’s true.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this.” Darcy seems to gain a bit more confidence in my own unease.

“I don’t really know how to sort this out in my head. I haven’t really been attracted to anyone at all. I’ve only ever been with Julia, and we agreed early on that it was a mistake that would hurt our dancing partnership. I’ve never really had the opportunity to meet anyone else, and if I had, who would be happy with their boyfriend dancing with another girl? I wasn’t attracted to guys, either. I guess I considered that a relationship wasn’t for me somehow, like I wasn’t normal. But Claire’s words brought out that the only person I’ve really felt anything for is you. This wanting to kiss you, wanting to do . . . more.” His little pause cracks my heart and I squeeze him a bit tighter. “That’s new, but I was so scared. No, I am scared that it won’t be enough for you.”

This time, when he looks at me I can see the unshed tears brimming in his eyes, and my heart splits open. I can’t believe what a precious thing he just trusted me with. An admission of himself that I don’t think he would have told me before. Even with our best friends, we keep some parts of our natures bottled up, frightened to say things we can’t even admit to ourselves.

I don’t respond for a few seconds, but I tighten my hold and he turns to lie against me, wrapping his arm around me.

“You will always be perfect for me, D. We’ve got this, just like we always have. This is us, just becoming even better.”

I understand at that moment that it might take Darcy some time for anything more physical, and despite giving in to my thoughts of what I'd like to do with him, I already know there’s not going to be anyone else for me. I ignore the pang of disquiet that the memory of my last Brazen visit invokes; it will fade in time. And time is what we have. I have all the time in the world to help him figure it out.

His tears dampen the shoulder of my T-shirt as I let him sob it out, holding him tightly. I wipe away a few of my own which have spilled down my cheeks.

Eventually, he lifts his head slightly to look at me.

“Feel better?” I ask, and he shrugs a little.

“I should be happy, but right now I feel drained.” I get that. It’s been an emotional few days, so he’s bound to feel wrung out, and I can’t say I feel any better.

“Well,” I start, trying a smile on for size. “You were just trying to convince me to dance with you.”

This time, I get a more positive response and, with dancing, I know we’re on a more stable topic. He sits up fully and crosses his legs. I’m sorry for the loss of contact, but he does seem more animated. I raise myself up, too, and lean my back against the wall.

“You’re easily as good as, if not better than, any of the dancers we’ve seen try out.”

“But I’m just an amateur.” It’s true, I’ve only been in a few competitions and always at the lower levels.

“But that’s because you haven’t had the right partner.” Darcy is more confident now that he’s in familiar territory. “If you’d had the right partner, then you would’ve been able to dance in the open competitions.”

“I dunno.” I’m not convinced.

“C’mon Nick, you’ve been dancing for what? Eight or nine years now?”

“Eight years, seven months,” I reel off. I really only know that level of detail, as it was my birthday when I first had lessons, so it was memorable. It gets a laugh, though.

“Exactly. Yet there are people competing in the open competitions who have only been dancing three or four years. Honestly, you are much better than them.”

I tip my head back against the wall, trying to imagine a reality where I could dance in an open competition. It’s something I’d thought of as a concept, not believing it could actually happen. And here was Darcy, offering it on a plate. I don’t want to let him down. I could ruin his chances.

“I have no experience.” Is what I finally sputter. “I don’t know if I can do it, D.”

Darcy rests an elbow on his knee and cups his chin as he thinks. Then he breaks out into a grin.

“There are the North Midland regionals in Chesterfield in a few weeks. Why don’t we dance there? It’s the next competition before the Nationals that’s close enough to get to. That will help you get some experience. And then we can announce that we’ll dance at the Nationals. It’ll be our secret.”

I blow out a breath. It certainly sounds much more manageable to dance there than the city hall, at the most prestigious event on the calendar.

“Yes, alright,” I reply. “I’d love to try it.” He launches forward and plants a kiss on my lips.

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