Page 60 of Not in Love

“They definitely worked when I used them.” He was being deliberately crude, maybe to remind himself of what lay underneath this distance between them. Maybe to remind her.

“You can’t have Kline, so you stole my underwear.”

“Oh, Rue. I can have Kline.” Her eyes narrowed, and he continued, “I just wanted a keepsake. If you don’t want them back, you can leave them with me—it’s a good home. But come over anyway. For fun.”

That last n lingered between them. A long matrix of calculations played out on her beautiful face. He let her think it through, waiting breathlessly for the outcome. His heart skipped a beat when she said, “Okay. I’ll come over.”

Fuck.

Fuck.

He needed to calm down. He couldn’t be this worked up, just because of a handful of words.

“Cool. I have one condition, though,” he said.

“A condition?” She’d clearly never considered the possibility, and maybe he wanted to fuck her more than ever when she looked confused. It was the asshole in him, the one who got off on being one step ahead and in charge, the one who wanted to lock her in his room and keep her there for months.

“If I take you to my place, you’re not running out on me.”

Her arms crossed on her chest. “Are you planning on holding me hostage?”

“That seems like a lot of needless work. And a felony.” He let go of her shoulder. It didn’t seem prudent to keep touching her.

“I’m going to leave when I want to leave,” she said calmly.

“I’m not asking you to marry me and have my triplets, Rue.” He kept his tone casual. Anything resembling earnestness or emotional intimacy would have spooked her. “You don’t have to stay any longer than you like. If you want to leave because it’s too much, or you’re bored, or because the sex is not what you expected and simply doesn’t do it for you, by all means, go. But don’t run out like you did last time. It scared the shit out of me. I’m asking you to communicate.”

“I just . . .” She didn’t continue, but he didn’t need her to.

“I know.” Something softened inside him at her lost expression. “It was intense for me, too.” He had no illusion that he could fuck her out of his system. If he was honest with himself, he’d known this was going to be something else from the very first night.

She was something else. Utterly unique. Unpredictable. Deliciously complicated.

Rue pointed at the water. “I have to go help out.”

“And I have to do my best to sink Alec in a kiddie pool.”

“A worthwhile endeavor.” Her mouth curled. “I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

“Will you?” Or will you chicken out again?

“Yes.”

Her expression was impenetrable, but there was something in her tone—something Eli recognized in himself. Am I holding you hostage the same way you hold me? Tell me, Rue. Just between you and me.

Because this time, he was sure she would come.

18

OUR CURRENCY

RUE

Idrove behind Eli’s hybrid, tailing him down the tree-lined streets of Allandale, through the soft glow of the bistro lights. He lived in a charming two-story single-family home, a mid-century construction with reddish bricks and a wide lawn that had me instinctively thinking of his ex-fiancée. Were we going to have sex in a bed he’d bought during a relationship-straining trip to IKEA? Was what had broken them up a disagreement over the Ekoln soap dispenser?

Irrelevant. None of my business. But I’d never been to a man’s place. Maybe by accident in college, with some guy I wouldn’t have recognized the following day if he’d sat next to me in Chemistry 201. This was Eli Killgore, though. Breaking my streaks. Ruining my plans. Making me want to do terrible, disloyal things.

“Still want to do this?” he asked, waiting for me at the door when I got out of the car. His voice had burrowed among the sulci of my brain and was now prominently featured in my dreams. A few dirty ones, which I could easily brush off, and lots of unsettling, preposterous scenarios. He’d stand behind and ask to observe my X-ray diffraction, or explain what a leveraged buyout was with Nyota nodding by his side. Whenever I reached out to touch him, he’d say, Let’s revisit this tomorrow.

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