Page 46 of Van

“I don’t know.”

“I do. You should do it. Just tell him. Blurt it out,” she laughs.

“Like, oh hey, Van. I think I’m falling in love with you,” I laugh, but she doesn’t. Her smile has slid right off her face. And that’s when I feel his hands come to my waist as I drop my head. “You heard that.”

“I heard that,” he says softly. “Did you mean it?” I don’t raise my head. I can’t. I’m too embarrassed he actually heard me say it out loud. I should have known better. I should have kept my mouth shut. Slowly, Van turns me to face him, his hand coming to cup my cheek as he lifts my head to look at him.

“Did you mean that?” he asks once more. I lick my lips, unsure of what to say here. Do I just do it? Blurt it out like Nicole said? Do I lie and say no? Words don’t want to form, so I just nod my head. He nods, too, before leaning down and kissing me roughly. His tongue demands entrance, and I let him take over. He kisses me like I’m the air he needs to breathe, and I let him. I let him take whatever he wanted from me. His tongue slides along mine, and I find myself moaning into his mouth. After what seems like forever, I’m breathless and heated. Van pulls back, keeping his hand on my cheek.

“I’m glad you feel that way, Chy,” he murmurs, confusing me a little more.

“You are? I just thought … with the baby and everything, it was too much too soon.”

“What part of I want that baby and you don’t you seem to get, woman? I’ve made it clear, haven’t I?”

“I know, but it’s still a lot, Van. And then to hear me say that.”

“I will say it was a shock, but I’m glad I heard it. I highly doubt you were really gonna tell me.”

“I was thinking about it.”

“Yeah? You should have just told me, Chy.”

“Does it really matter?”

“Fuck, yeah, it matters. It means I’m doin’ my job. I’m doin’ somethin’ right.”

“Van, you’ve done everything right.” His eyes dance between mine as he nods his head.

“Good. I plan on keepin’ it that way.”

Chapter 21

Van

Hearing those words over and over in my head is like something I’ve never thought I’d hear. I hear her voice repeating it over and over. It made my heart swell with pride. It made me think a little more about what I wanted and needed. And what I need is her and that baby.

I’ve watched him sleep for the last couple of weeks, and I’m just amazed by all of it. It might have only been weeks, but it feels longer. It feels like I was made for this. Like he was made to be a part of my life.

“You ever think about life, Free?”

“Oh, Christ. Where is this goin’?”

“Just askin’, brother. I mean, if you would have asked me a year ago if I thought I’d be sittin’ here with a girl who cares about me and a baby I can’t seem to stay away from, I would have laughed in your damn face.”

“And now?”

“Now, I can’t picture my life without the two of them in it. I want this. I want them.”

“And you have them.”

“Do I?”

“Oh, hell. What are you thinkin’ now?”

“That it needs to be official. That she needs to be my old lady, and he needs to be my son,” I tell him. Free leans over and looks me dead in the eye as if I’ve totally lost my mind right now. Maybe I have. I don’t know.

“Are you … is this … I don’t know what the fuck to say here. Is that somethin’ you’re ready for?”

---