Page 18 of Van

“I shouldn’t have touched her in front of you,” I tell her. Her eyes fly to mine and lock there.

“Why do you say that?”

“Maybe you’re not used to seein’ her with men.”

“That’s what you got from that?” she asks. I shrug. What the hell else should I have gotten out of that?

“Just leave, Van. Please.”

“I don’t wanna leave. Not yet,” I tell her.

“What is it you want then?” Before I can think better of what I’m saying, I blurt out what I want.

“You.” Her lips part before her hand comes to rest on her stomach. She knows I don’t want kids or anything like that right now.

“What are you talking about?” I run my hand through my hair as I look anywhere but at her. I don’t know what the fuck to say here. I don’t know what I’m doing.

“You, Chy. I’m talkin’ about you.”

“What about me?”

“I don’t know! Fuck this is stupid,” I tell her.

“What is? I don’t get it.”

“I like bein’ around you, Chy. I think you’re a great person, and I like you.”

“That’s sweet, but I’m pregnant,” she tells me what I already know.

“You think I don’t know that?” I tease. She smiles, and it melts me inside. I want to see her smile. I want to see her happy all the time, and fuck, what am I doing?

“I need to go,” I tell her, shoving out of the chair and heading for the door. When I reach out and grab the handle, she speaks.

“I like you too, Van.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You’ve been great to me. I appreciate everything you’ve done, but I like having you around too.”

“So what do we do?” I ask, turning to look at her.

“I don’t know. The baby situation isn’t going to change, and I know you don’t want kids.”

“I don’t even know what I want anymore, Chyanne.”

“Are you saying you might want kids?” she asks me. Is that what I’m saying? I shrug my shoulders, unsure what to say. I don’t know if I want kids. I don’t know if I’d want to step up to the plate and be someone’s stepdad. Am I ready for that? Fuck if I know.

“I don’t know, Chy. I know I want you, but you come as a package deal,” I tell her.

“And if you can’t accept the baby, then you don’t need me,” she says, and she’s right. If I can’t get over the fact she’s pregnant, then I don’t need to mess with her. I need space. I need to get away from her, but that doesn’t sound like a good enough plan either.

“Looks like I have some thinkin’ to do, yeah?”

“No, you don’t. I don’t want a relationship right now, Van. I just got out of one that was shit.”

“That doesn’t mean ours would be shit, Chy. Come on.”

“Doesn’t mean ours would work out either, and I have the baby to worry about,” she adds.

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