Page 39 of Should Have Been Me

But as the evening progressed, it started to get harder and harder to concentrate on what everyone was talking about, what with all the blood in my body having centralized in my dick, and all. I had never been so hard in all my life. My balls felt like lead weights, full and heavy, and my dick ached from being so goddamn close to Jolie yet still not close enough. It had been that way since we sat down in that booth and had gotten progressively worse as the minutes ticked by, turning into hours. I knew the only way I was going to be able to stop that pain was by sinking so deep inside her that neither one of us would be able to tell where I ended and she began.

When dinner had finally come to an end, I’d been startled by the disappointment that felt like it had left a gaping hole in my chest. I wasn’t ready for the night to end because it meant there was no reason to keep up the charade. As soon as I helped Jolie into the passenger seat of my car, any reason I had for touching her had disappeared. The closer we got to my house, the wider that chasm in my chest grew.

The white-knuckle grip I had on my steering wheel had caused my fingers to go numb. I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted someone so badly that they took up every single inch of space in my head. It felt like a wild animal was clawing at my insides, desperately digging away to try and get to her.

“That was a lot of fun tonight.” Her soft voice filled the cab of my Mercedes, reaching my ears and brushing against my skin like a physical touch. I grunted in response, the storm raging inside me making it impossible to form coherent sentences.

I saw her turn to look in my direction from the corner of my eye, her beautiful face marred with concern. “I’m sorry I let them join us. I should have said something. Eliza can be a little pushy when she’s excited?—”

“It’s fine,” I grunted, those two words scraping against my throat on the way out.

“It doesn’t seem fine. You sound like you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad.” I just couldn’t fucking think of anything beyond pulling my car over, yanking her into my lap, and fucking her until this persistent buzzing beneath my skin finally went away.

“I don’t believe you. If you’re mad, just say so.”

“I said I’m not mad,” I all but shouted. Christ, I was a mess, yelling at this woman I was well and truly obsessed with because I didn’t have the first clue how to actually communicate.

“Fine,” she murmured under her breath, the defeat I could hear in her voice making my insides feel like they’d been tossed into a blender and set on puree. She twisted to face the windshield, her arms crossed over her chest in a protective manner that ripped my chest apart.

I was such an asshole. Why couldn’t I just be normal, for fuck’s sake?

My throat was so tight it felt like I was slowly suffocating, and that sensation only got worse as I turned into my neighborhood. I tried to swallow to make room for the words that needed to be said, but every time I opened my mouth the vise around my lungs twisted, wrenching even tighter. “Jolie,” I managed to croak as I turned the wheel and guided the car into my driveway, coasting to a stop near my front door. “I’m...”

“You’re what?” she prodded.

“I’m . . .” I tried again, in vain.

Her derisive scoff slammed into me with all the force of a Mack truck. “Forget it,” she clipped, reaching over and unbuckling her seatbelt. My head whipped around just as she reached for the handle and shoved the door open. “Have a good night, Vaughn.”

Panic had me in a chokehold as she climbed out of my car and started toward hers. My body reacted without any input from my brain as I threw myself out of the driver’s side and rushed around the hood, moving faster than I ever had before. “Jolie, wait.”

“It’s late and I’m tired,” she called, lifting a hand in a wave over her shoulder without stopping. “See you around.”

“Goddamn it,” I ground out. “Will you stop being so stubborn for two fucking seconds?”

That did the trick. She whipped around so fast her hair and skirt swished around her. “Why?” she demanded, throwing her arms wide. “So you can keep acting like a dick? No thanks. I’ve filled my quota for taking your bullshit.”

“That’s not—” I came to a stop two feet in front of her, frantic breaths sawing painfully in and out of my lungs. “I’m sorry, okay?” I finally managed to get the words out, but I was terrified they were too late. Rubbing at the back of my neck, I began to pace, unable to keep still thanks to the adrenaline that had been dumped into my bloodstream. “That’s what I was trying to say. I’m sorry. I know I was being an asshole. I just...”

She planted her hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed into slits, the gray flashing with fire in the landscaping lights all around us. I wasn’t sure what was more beautiful: when she was smiling up at me like I’d just made her the happiest she’d been in a long time, or when she was like this, ready to go toe to toe, refusing to take my shit because she knew she deserved better. “You just what, Vaughn?”

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing around you!” I raked a hand through my hair in frustration as I shouted my admission. “My entire life is based on control. I don’t do well without it, Jolie. But you... you make me so fucking crazy.”

Her head jerked back on a gasp. “So you’re saying this is my fault?”

“No. I’m not—” I forced myself to stop. Closing my eyes, I pinched the bridge of my nose while I concentrated on my breathing, counting to ten in my head. “That’s not what I’m trying to do. Christ, I’m fucking this all up. That’s what you do to me. You make me lose control. You make me... want. You make me need and crave. That’s not something that’s ever happened to me. I don’t want someone to the point of insanity, and I sure as hell don’t need anyone. I’ve made sure of that. But I don’t know how to be around you and not touch you, not taste you. Not want you in every single way.”

Her lips were parted, her skin flushed the prettiest rosy pink as her chest rose and fell. I couldn’t miss the way her panted breaths caused her tits to strain against the material of her top. Those plump, round globes had been driving me out of my mind all night long. I’d wanted nothing more than to lean in and trace my tongue along her neck, over the swells of those perfect tits before dipping into that valley between to see if she tasted as sweet as I had been imagining since I first laid eyes on her.

“Then why don’t you?”

My mouth had been opened, poised to say... I wasn’t quite sure. But at her question, the words floated out of my head like a puff of smoke being caught on a breeze. “What?”

“Why don’t you touch me?” Her words were still spoken in that demanding tone, her frustration evident in the way she stomped one sandaled foot, in how her fists were clenched at her sides, making her look sexy and adorable all at the same time. “Why haven’t you kissed me?”

“I—have.”

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