Page 56 of Should Have Been Me

I tried to swallow down the burst of bewildered laughter that rose up my throat and ended up making a choking sound.

“I know I enabled her too much, spoiled her. I know she’s a brat, and that’s another thing that’s my responsibility to fix. The fact is, Vaughn, none of that was ever on you. I want you to let that go right now. We both wasted too many years carrying the blame on our shoulders instead of doing something about it What do you say we let that go and move forward? Starting now. I don’t care that it took me getting sick to bring you back here. I’m just grateful you’re here. I’d do it all again if I had to, if it meant I got to have a relationship with my son.”

I let out a raspy laugh past the cotton in my throat. “Can’t say I’d wish cancer on you again, but I’m happy I’m here too.”

My father leaned over the arm of his chair, reaching across the space between us to place his hand on top of mine. “I know Estelle’s sudden appearance probably has you spinning out, but don’t let her derail you. I haven’t seen you this happy in far too long, and despite what you think, you deserve it. You hold tight to all the things that have healed you recently, you hear me? Don’t let her take them away from you. You’re stronger than that.”

My throat worked on a thick swallow that threatened to choke me as I struggled to force down the lump of emotion in my throat. “Thanks, Dad. That means a lot.”

“I’m always here for you. That will never change. Not even when you go back to Denver. I hope you know that.”

I let out a chuckle, the sound causing his eyes to light up. “About Denver... how would you feel if I decided not to go back?”

His nostrils flared on a sharp inhale, and there was no way to miss the sudden wetness that turned his eyes glassy. “Like I just won the lottery.”

That settled it, then. I needed to get Jolie on board before making everything official. I prayed she felt for me even a fraction of what I felt for her.

29

JOLIE

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”

I looked up from the engagement photos for Leighton and Barrett I’d been editing, working magic to make Barrett’s wooden smile and Leighton’s sneer look normal, to make them appear to be a happy couple despite the strain between them that was clearly evident in every one of the pictures I’d taken. I’d been in this business long enough to know when a couple was going to have a long, happy marriage and when they weren’t going to last more than a handful of months. My guess was that Barrett and Leighton would fall into the latter category. That was, if they made it down the aisle at all.

He'd chosen her because she was the shiny new thing he had to have, and she went after him simply for the sport of it. That much was obvious now. But I couldn’t find it in me to feel pity for either one of them. They’d eventually reap what they’d sown, and I’d be too busy living my life to care.

“Look like what?” I asked Ryan, rocking back in my chair as she came into my office and sat down across from me.

She smiled knowingly. “Like you’re so blissfully in love that, at any moment, a bunch of cartoon squirrels and birds are going to flitter in here to braid flowers into your hair.”

My jaw dropped open. “I’m not—that’s not—” The denial dried up on my tongue before I could get it out, the lie refusing to pass my lips. It was a reality I’d been fighting from the very start. A truth I’d been determined to ignore even as it niggled in the back of my mind constantly. I thought if I could make myself forget, it wouldn’t hurt as badly, but there was no use denying it anymore. “Oh my God.” I covered my face with my hands. “You’re right. I do. I love Vaughn.”

She let out a little laugh. “I know. Looks like you’re the only one who hasn’t already realized the obvious.”

“I tried so damn hard not to fall for him.” But he’d made it impossible. That grumpy jerk had worked his way into my heart, etching out a permanent spot for him, and there was no chance I’d ever be able to get him out. He’d seen to that.

“What? Why?”

“Because! He was supposed to be my fake boyfriend. He doesn’t even live here full-time. He said from the very beginning that staying here was temporary. What the hell am I going to do when he does back to Denver?” I lifted my hand to rub at the ache that had formed in my chest at the thought of Vaughn leaving. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was that damn incurable romantic in me. She’d gone and fallen for another man who was destined to break her heart. Only this time it was going to be so much worse. The feelings I had for Barrett weren’t even a fraction of what I felt for Vaughn. When he left, it was going to crush me.

The backs of my eyes began to burn as a painful lump formed in my throat. The sympathy on my best friend’s face only made the pain in my chest that much worse. “Maybe before you convince yourself this is hopeless and settle into another heartbreak, you should talk to him about it. For what it’s worth, you aren’t the only one I’ve noticed acting differently. Haven’t you seen the way that man looks at you?”

I fought back the tears that wanted to fall and sniffled, giving my head a shake. “How does he look at me?”

“Like you’re the reason the sun shines, Jo. That man looks at you like you create the very air he needs to survive. Instead of preparing for the end, why don’t you try talking to him? You might be surprised by what he has to say.”

It was impossible not to hope, but it was also hope that could destroy me if I wasn’t careful. “And if he still decides to leave? Then what?”

“Well...” Ryan pushed to her feet, brushing her hands down the front of her skirt. “We’ll do what needs to be done. Tarryn and I will be right here to hold you up when you don’t feel strong enough to do it yourself. We’ll have your back, just like always, and stay right by your side while you heal.” She lifted her shoulder in a casual shrug. “It’s what we do for each other.”

Truer words had never been spoken. “You know I love you, right? Just in case I haven’t said it enough lately.”

“Love you right back, babe. No matter what happens, we’ve got this. The three of us can weather anything together.”

With that, she turned and walked out of my office, her parting words giving me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done. I’d spent a year trying to safeguard my heart after Barrett hurt me. I’d spent so long trying to protect myself from falling I hadn’t stopped to realize I’d never taken the leap. Maybe it was time to jump and hope for the best.

By the time I pulled into Vaughn’s driveway later that day, my heart was lodged firmly in my throat. I’d gone over what I wanted to say a million times but it all flew right out of my head like a bird let out of a cage the instant I parked and climbed out of my car.

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