Page 35 of Should Have Been Me

“I like seeing this place through your eyes,” he stated, those words sending a shockwave through my system.

I pulled in a deep breath, silently willing my pulse to return to a normal rhythm. “I—thank you.”

I sensed him moving closer only a second before his amber and spice scent wafted all around me, creating a need deep inside to lean forward and drag my nose along that thick cord in his neck to see where the smell originated.

I needed to get out of here before I did something incredibly stupid. Like climb my fake boyfriend like a redwood.

Public. We needed a public place. Not just to keep up pretenses, but to keep me from making a fool of myself. “You ready?” I asked, forcing myself to turn away from the view outside and start toward the door. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

“Wait.” I pulled up short at that one word, turning to look at the towering man over my shoulder. He raised a single eyebrow, the closest Vaughn came to a teasing expression. “You aren’t going to give me shit about wearing a suit?”

I looked him up and down, making sure to keep just how attractive I found him to be off my face. “I tease you because it’s fun,” I answered. “Not because I expect you to change. I want you to be comfortable, that’s all that matters. And if dressing like that makes you comfortable, go for it.”

That brow dropped, his lips parted on an exhale, and something moved across his features so fast I couldn’t keep up. But none of that mattered. Because it wasn’t real, and I’d do well to remember that.

18

VAUGHN

The silence that had enveloped the cab of my G-Wagon the whole way to dinner was thick and muggy, making it difficult to breathe. I knew I was to blame for the discomfort surrounding us, but I couldn’t seem to get my mind to stop spinning long enough to engage in something as fucking simple as small talk. It was ridiculous. I felt every time Jolie’s gaze drifted my way, the apprehension swirling around the atmosphere. I knew I should try to put her at ease, but I couldn’t manage to speak past the sandpaper suddenly coating my tongue.

I hadn’t been able to stop replaying Jolie’s words in my head since we left my house.

I want you to be comfortable, that’s all that matters.

I couldn’t stop hearing them. She’d said it so easily, without a moment’s thought. As if that type of kindness was an instinct. Something she did every day. And knowing her, it was. It was nothing for her to give me something like that. But to me it was everything. And I was struggling to process the storm swirling around inside me.

I couldn’t remember the last time someone had put my own comfort first. My mother certainly hadn’t. In fact, she’d spent most of my upbringing forcing me into a mold she deemed appropriate. The few women I dated all wanted me to be different. Less rigid, more fun. I was so used to them trying to change me and shape me into a version of myself that they preferred over the one I had shown them, that I’d decided a long time ago romantic relationships weren’t worth the time and headspace required to make them function.

Jolie had never once made me feel like she wished I was different. Sure, she called me on my shit, and rightfully so, but unlike the women from my past, she actually understood my sense of humor—as minimal and dry as it might have been. Not only that, but she seemed to enjoy it. She was the type of woman who didn’t hold back. She gave as good as she got. Hell, in most cases, she gave even better.

I located a spot on the street outside The Drunken Moose and moved through the process of parallel parking on autopilot.

I shifted into Park and hit the button to kill the engine, but before I could open my door, Jolie’s hand extended across the console, her fingers wrapping around my forearm to stop me. “Hey,” she said softly. “Are you okay?”

“Fine,” I clipped, giving her a curt nod. “Wait there. I’ll get your door.” I used the few moments it took for me to round the hood of my car to focus on my breathing and attempt to return my heart rate to a normal pace. Not that it did me any damn good. The instant I yanked her door open, that sweet citrus scent of hers smacked me in the face. It was like being hit with a beam of sunshine even though the sky was painted with the darkening colors of twilight.

“Hold on just a second.” Instead of climbing out, she held firm in her seat, her eyes drilling into the side of my head. “Vaughn, look at me.” I blinked, willing my mask of indifference back into place when I finally lifted my gaze to hers. “We don’t have to do this,” she said, taking me by surprise. “I know you aren’t big on people, and that’s totally fine with me. If this is uncomfortable for you we can just leave.” The air squeezed out of my lungs like a wet towel being wrung out. How the hell was it possible that this woman I had only just met knew me better than anyone else in my life? Christ, she couldn’t possibly be real.

“Honestly. I’m not all that hungry,” she insisted, and I very well might have believed her if her stomach hadn’t chosen that very moment to let out a growl loud enough to call her a liar.

Something shifted inside my chest. A chunk of that ice that had been encased around my heart for years broke off, leaving a gaping hole wide enough for those inconvenient, bothersome emotions I’d cut off long ago to creep in.

“Can I touch you?” The question fell out of my mouth fast, the desperation mixed into those words impossible to mask.

Jolie’s chin jerked back in bewilderment at my question. “What?”

The desire to feel her beneath my hands was growing more intense by the second until it was basically all I could think about.

I did my best to temper the storm building inside me, spinning around like a tornado before I spoke again, but I knew it didn’t do any good. “Can I touch you?” I repeated past the sand storm in my throat.

God, please say yes, I pleaded silently with whatever higher power was listening.

“For... appearances. People will expect it, right? I just... wanted to ask if it was all right. To touch you, you know, how I would if we were really dating.” The bullshit excuse of putting on a show left a sour, rancid taste in my mouth, like I’d just eaten bad sushi.

I didn’t date. Though, even if I did, I had never been a fan of public displays. That was one of the many complaints from the women in my past. But none of that mattered when it came to Jolie. I was becoming less and less rational the longer I spent in her company. I didn’t feel like myself. Or... maybe this was who I was supposed to be all along and I hadn’t realized it until now. I wasn’t sure. That uncertainty was enough to knock me off balance, but for some reason, being near Jolie helped to center me. She was something I could hold tight to in order to stay afloat.

I thought I saw a flash of disappointment in her stormy eyes, but it disappeared in a blink, there and gone so fast I had to have been imagining it. “O-okay. Yeah. Um, sure.” She blinked, her gaze bouncing from the hand I extended her way to my eyes. “You can touch me.” Her voice came out softly, almost a whisper, and the sound of those words spoken in her sweet, melodic voice made my dick twitch before growing thick.

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