Page 59 of Every Breath

“Why?”

Because her son was a cold bastard.

“I think she’s feeling lonely.” Mason knocked on his mother’s apartment door. A middle-aged nurse with a friendly smile opened it.

“Mr. Collins, how good to see you. And this handsome young man must be your son. He looks just like you! I’m sure Mrs. Collins will be thrilled with another visitor.”

“Yes, this is my son Ben, Rita. How is Mom today?” Mason asked as they entered the apartment.

“She’s about the same as always. She’ll watch a little television in the morning, then go for a walk. She’s starting to socialize with the other residents a little more, which is a positive sign, but you still get the feeling that….”

“That she’s not completely involved?” Mason asked.

“Well, yes, but she has improved. Why don’t you both go into the sitting room and I’ll tell her that she has company. I know she’ll be happy to see her grandson.” Rita walked off.

Mason and Ben took a seat on the sofa and waited patiently for his mother to come out of her room. After several months, Mason had not made any headway with Helen Collins. She looked at him with cold eyes, not saying a word. No matter what he said to her, his words were always met with a stony silence.

After dropping Ben off after another weekend together, it occurred to him that if she didn’t respond to him, maybe she would respond to Ben.

Helen walked out of her room with a wary expression on her face. Her iron gray hair was pulled back into a tight bun, and she wore a black velour jogging suit.

Mason stood up and walked over to her, kissing her cheek in his usual greeting. She remained still. It was like kissing a marble statue. Helen didn’t respond to his greeting but walked over to Ben and sat down next to him.

He watched as his mother took Ben’s face in her hands and gave him a long stare as if she were searching for something. “Oh, Benny, it’s really you. I’ve missed you so much.” She kissed Ben and pulled the little boy in her arms. “You have gotten so big. You will be strong and handsome…like your father.” She sounded as though that was what she least hoped for.

Mason could sense her uneasiness with him there. He had hoped that by bringing Ben she would thaw a little, but she barely glanced at him, so he took a seat in the corner and watched as his mother threw a barrage of questions at Ben, who seemed to be enjoying his grandmother’s attentions.

As they chatted away, Mason again thought over the events of the past few weeks. His redemption project seemed to be moving forward fine except where his mother and Karen were concerned. In fact, he had finally been able to speak to his former housekeeper without her hanging up on him. He’d learned at last why she had left his employ and really couldn’t blame her.

Apparently, Luisa’s former babysitter quit on her and she had nowhere affordable to take her four-year-old. Of course, her employer had given her a hard time about bringing her child into his home and turned a deaf ear to her pleas.

She had only agreed to return, after some cajoling on his part and the promise of a raise for her to take her child to a proper day care center, but not before he apologized.

On the other hand, Karen was another issue. Mason had really hurt her and she wasn’t willing to forgive and forget so easily. When he had reproached her for making disparaging comments about him in front of Ben, it only served to make her angrier.

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what I should and what I shouldn’t say to my son?” she demanded.

“I’m his father.”

“Ha! It’s taken you eight years to figure that out. I’ve had to be both mother and father to him for as long as he’s been alive, so you have no right to dictate to me how I should be raising him.”

“My mistakes, although inexcusable, doesn’t give you the right to say things in front of Ben that shouldn’t be said.”

“Oh? And parading your bimbos in front of him was appropriate?”

“No, it wasn’t.”

She’d been taken aback when he had readily agreed to her accusations, but it didn’t seem to lessen her anger. “Then you’re a fine one to talk. You’re damn right your mistakes were inexcusable and I will never forget them!” she had hissed at him.

“What can I do to make it up to you? I know I’ve hurt you, Karen, but there’s no need for us to be at each other’s throats. Let’s put Ben first.”

“When I need tips from you on how to be a parent, I’ll let you know, but until then, you can go to hell.”

“I think you’re excellent mother, but if you let your hatred toward me overcome your love for Ben, maybe I was wrong.”

“How dare you!” Karen’s face went red with rage.

He tried to reason with her. “No, how dare you. I’ve made mistakes, but now I intend to be there for Ben and you whenever you need me. I want to be the father to him that I wasn’t before. I don’t want to be your enemy, Karen. We both love Ben, so that’s at least one thing we have in common.”

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