Page 107 of Negotiating Tactics

“Like my dad.” I could have left that unspoken but knew that I didn’t need to. “Yeah,” I said.

“I hear a but there,” Birdie said.

“Yeah. Let me figure it out,” I whispered.

Birdie didn’t believe me, but she also didn’t press.

“I’m here whenever you need me,” she said.

“We’ll talk,” I responded, and after we said our good-byes, I hung up.

Turned over the problem that was in my head the entire walk home.

And when I saw Noah standing in front of my building, the relief hitting me before had fully processed that he was there, I knew what I had to do.

He didn’t say anything, and neither did I, as he followed me to my place.

I unlocked the door, let him in, and went about my usual routine.

When I was done, I stopped in the middle of my living room and stared at him.

“I trust you, Noah,” I said. Then I swallowed. “And that fucking terrifies me.”

He looked at me with soft eyes. “I trust you too, Alex. And the thought of letting you down fucking terrifies me,” he said.

I looked at him for a long moment, and then, unable to deny myself, I went to him, let myself be pulled into his embrace.

He held me tight, and I laid my head against his shoulder and closed my eyes.

“How are we going to do this?” I asked.

I pulled back, looked into his eyes.

“I’m so fucking terrified of trusting you, loving you, and then being afraid that you’ll leave,” I said.

Saying the words both embarrassed me and filled me with relief.

I had never been so vulnerable, and when I looked at Noah, I still saw that softness in his eyes.

“Me too,” he said.

“What?”

“I’m fucking terrified of loving you, trusting you, and then worrying that one day you’ll figure out that I’m not worth anything and leave me just like he did,” he said.

I stared at him, shocked.

“Noah, I would never?—”

But then I cut off, realization hitting me.

I looked at him and smiled, though I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes. “Look at us, afraid of the same shit,” I said.

He nodded.

“You know, outside of being absolutely horrible, it’s kind of funny if you think about it,” he said.

“Funny, but in the most awful way,” I said.

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